rick samuelson's photostream

rick samuelson's photostream on Flickr.

As I have been contemplating my life I also go out and take pictures of things that interest me

Living Life

Just being ourselves is the biggest fear we have as humans - Don Miguel Ruiz

As I reflect on life I envision a little boy, running and playing, laughing, being loud, unbound, unhindered, aware only of the sun on his face, the joy inside, his desire to experience, to live. Over time this same boy is told, walk don't run, you should be seen and not heard, you must have goals and focus, you must be responsible, you must take your place in life's drama. As this boy enters manhood he comes to learn that to get ahead, to move forward, to become apart of the human drama, he must play be the rules imposed upon him, to walk in step, to play the part, to drink the kool aide.
Many years ago Steve Taylor wrote a song, "I want to be a Clone." it was a look at how people willingly give in to being like everyone else. We do it to be accepted, to fit in. We do it to avoid conflict. We do it because that is what is expected in this world. And, as we become what it is we are told to become by religion, school, work, family, culture, and the world t large, we lose a little bit of ourselves along the way. We lose the wonder, the desire to run and jump, laugh and sing, to explore and experience, to learn and to live.
When did pleasing others become more important than personal happiness and well being. When did taking care of yourself become the sin of selfishness. When did the voice of others and their system of belief become more important than our own voice and coming to our own beliefs.
We have forgotten who we are, we no longer know or recognize ourselves, to be ourselves means breaking free from what we have become, slaves to what others think and believe, prisoners to expectations that belong to others that we have somehow adopted, trapped to the beat of a drum we are not drumming. My greatest fear is truly being myself. That's not true, my greatest fear is trying to be myself and realizing I have no idea who I really am.
To know myself, to be myself and to live as myself is my greatest goal at this time in my life. I trust you know who you are.
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The Four Agreements

In my ongoing quest to figure life out, I while occasionally pick up a book to read. Recently a friend of mine (thank's Cole Mack) sent me a book saying it had made a profound impact on how he lives, or attempts to live, his life. Being a sucker for free, I picked it up and started reading. In "The Four Agreements," author Don Miguel Ruiz walks through some basic ancient Toltec beliefs. The premise is that each of us have bought into self limiting beliefs, or dreams, that keep us from experiencing life as it is meant to be lived. As we go through life we make agreements (internal) to live by these self limiting beliefs, often without even realizing it. However, we also have the ability to make new agreements that can help break us free of these wrong beliefs or ways of thinking.

Having quickly read the book in three days, I have already started to apply The Four Agreements, and am finding I do not have to be bound by the rules I have for so long played by. There is much to learn from Toltec beliefs. I am awesome, as I am. Thanks Cole for passing this one on. If you have read the book, please share your thought. I am just starting to apply it




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Portland MS Walk 2012

This year I have joined up with friends and family to participate in the MS Walk. On April 14th, thirty of us from Avamere Rehab of King City will be making a difference by raising money to defeat MS. You can view my Personal Web Sight by clicking this link. You can join us by making a small donation.

Thanks for your help


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The Story of Our Lives

I came across the video below as i was processing some issues in my life. The video is short and simple, and looks at the story that each of us create with our lives. It finishes by asking the simple question -Did you enjoy your story? By that I take it to mean the story of our own life. It seems like there is much in life that is unenjoyable. Should our goal be to enjoy as much as possible, and what do we do with those things that keep us from enjoying, or cause pain, do we discard them and remove them from our lives? These are some of the questions I am thinking through today.

A Story of Tomorrow
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Looking for Happiness

"People spend a lifetime searching for happiness;
looking for peace.
They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions,
even other people,
hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them.
The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within."
~Ramona L. Anderson (1887-1949)American writer

As I was playing around on my IPad the other day, wasting time and trying to at least feel productive, I came across a post in Facebook from a friend of mine Mitch. I don't know if it was the great sunset in his profile picture or the fact that the post was from someone I find interesting, but I quit flicking my finger long enough to read the quote by Ramona Anderson.

I have to tell you, I hate it when a quote speaks into my life and this one definitely did. It got me thinking about my pursuits and the reasons for them. It started me questioning why I involve myself in certain things or behaviors. Is it truly a pursuit of happiness, or drilling down a little deeper, is it my attempt to make myself feel good, or, not feel bad? Why do I hangout with people, watch movies, work so hard, drink, smoke cigars, etc... Is it to try to make myself feel good, feel important, escape feeling lonely, insignificant, unloved or unlovable? Why is it that I define happiness based on external things like number of Facebook friends I have, how many nights I am out of the house, my job title, the car I drive, how many people I make laugh or smile? These aren't bad things, but if they are what I base happiness on, I will start out each morning having to score happiness point in order to define myself as happy for that day. How miserable to start each morning as unhappy, and have to work towards happiness, and who defines how many points you must score to be happy.

Ramona suggests that happiness is not externally driven, but internally based. I have to be honest, I have a hard time with this thinking. I don't always like to look inside and "cultivate the soul, or practice self care, or tend to the issues within." isn't that for introverts, not extroverts. That's the stuff of Psychologists, HR managers, etc... Those who are CEO's or oversee large groups of people, or must out perform the world everyday of the week, can't look inside. I don't know how to define happiness internally. Is it a feeling? I was told feelings aren't always reality. Is it a inner voice? I was told that could be the voices of past fear and doubt, or my elementary school teacher telling me I wasn't coordinated (thanks Mrs. Smith). But it does make more sense that happiness is a state of being rather than an endless pursuit. It is something you know instead of a destination on a map.

Obviously, I have no answers only thought, and that is what looking inward is all about for me. If you have any thoughts or input please add it to my blog or Facebook. May you experience happiness today. I am going to the Brewfest to contemplate.


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Life

What is life, if not a series of relationships that bring smiles, tears, laughter, pain, growth and a richness and depth. It's relationships that help you see yourself rightly, challenge you to grow, and force you to think in ways you normally wouldn't. Life truly is an unpredictable ride. But, I don't think I would have it any other way.


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Quote For Sunday - Thoughts on Happiness

“Happiness is not the absence of problems, it's the ability to deal with them.”
― Steve Maraboli

As I think about happiness, I find that I want to define it as only good and never bad. Happiness should only be about positive experiences, up lifting friendships, successes and triumphs. Problems should have no place in happiness, right? Unfortunately, my limited view of happiness means I am destined to a life of unhappiness, for every day brings problems and issues, pain and sorrow, the unpleasant and the unwanted. If my definition were to stand, life will be a most unhappy experience.




Bring on today's quote and the equation changes. It is not about the experience but how I walk through it, it is not about the situation, but my response. I am reminded of other sayings, "life is what you make it," or " when life gives you lemons, make lemon aide." once again I come face to face with the realization, we are not victims. We choose each day how we will think and respond to all that life throws at us. We decide how we are going to deal with the things we face. Sit in the dark and wallow in self pity, or get up and tackle life.

Happiness is not the absence of problems. That is a profound and very deep thought. It is the ability to deal with them. And I would add to that, the ability to deal with them well.



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Some Quotes you just have to think about

“People tend to complicate their own lives, as if living weren't already complicated enough.”
― Carlos Ruiz Zafón, The Shadow of the Wind

I don't know this author, and I haven't ever read his book, but this quote I came across really hit me today. Why is it that we tend to make life more complex than it is. We read into things others say, we interpret glances to mean what they don't, we strive for things we shouldn't, and we get discouraged when we don't reach goals that are unattainable. We give opinions that aren't asked for, we give advice that causes more harm than good, we fail to enjoy what is right in front of us. Should life be simple? Should each day be enjoyed? Each day starts out new, with fresh possibilities and new experiences. Why complicate it by trying to make more of it? Why drag the past forward. Today does not have to be complicated, it just needs to be lived. It will be complicated enough without help from me.


Just a deep thought to start my weekend


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Thoughts on Leadership

If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader. John Quincy Adams

This is a great reminder of what my role as a leader is really all about. It is simply about helping others be their best


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Feel Stuck

I find myself in a strange spot. The sun is shining but life seems foggy. I'm working out each day but I have no energy. I'm working hard but accomplishing little.
When I get this way I start thinking about change. I don't know if it is change in location, change in job, or what the needed change is? I just know that something is off. Could be a few weeks away would do the trick. I can envision time at the beach or up in the mountains. Not sure how to make it happen, how to change my outlook.
Key for me is feeling connected in my relationships, being successful at work and moving forward in life. At the moment each of those areas feels stuck. That's what I need to focus on changing. Let me know what your thinking about. I always learn from others.
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It's You're Life

I came across a picture today that really sums up my thinking this last week. As I have been wrestling with who I am and how I want to live my life, I continue to come face to face with my need to own my own stuff. Who would have thought an ad campaign for a clothing company would speak into my life. But, I was struck. The company is Holstee click on the name to learn more. They wanted to do more than sell clothing, the wanted to promote a lifestyle.

Here is the picture. Let me know your thoughts. As always, I am trying to take time to take a Deep Look Inward.




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Looking into the Mirror

"The most difficult phase of life is not when no one understands you, it is when you don't understand yourself" ~Anonymous

Over the last few weeks I have been spending a bit of time in personal reflection. The problem is the more I look into the mirror, the less I like what I see. In the past if that would happen I would simply shut my eyes and move on. However, that is not working so well for me these days. So I am back to taking a deep look inward after taking a bit of time off. Only this time I am likely to go deeper and battle more, than ever before. It is starting with the simple truth that the only one truly responsible for who I am, who I've become, is me. The devil didn't make me do it, my parents didn't force me, each step that brought me to this point and time, good or bad, was a step, a choice, a decision I made. I am responsible for all the good, bad and ugly. And, from that step of taking responsibility for me, I will look into the mirror, embrace the good, change the bad, and work towards beauty. Time to go look at my reflection. - Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Thank you Oregon Duck's

The Oregon Ducks are the Rose Bowl Champions. Thanks for a great year.







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Life Stops When the Ducks Play

Go Oregon


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Little Things

Sometimes it's the little things that mean the most. A simple smile, a kiss on the neck, a text message from one of your kids, an excited phone call, can make all the difference. These have all happened to me this last week, a friend, my wife, my son and my daughter. They don't know what those simple little things did to lift my spirits, let me know I matter, to let me see I am loved. But each of these little things made a profound difference on me. I hope you experience a simple thing today, it is something to look forward to.


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Preparing to Live Well

One things is for sure, life keeps happening, with or without our permission.

Most of life we can't control. What I can control is how I how i prepare for life, and how I respond to it. Everyday I work with people who have been thrown a curve ball related to their health and finances. Some seem to weather it well and continue living despite what they have encountered. These people did some internal work before life struck a blow and weren't rocked by the change of their situation. Others, seem surprised by their change in circumstance, and are unable to cope. Depression, bitterness, hopelessness, seem to follow.

I obviously know how I want to respond. I guess that means I need to start the prep work so I can handle what life throws at me, be it health, finances, work, relationships, etc... Making my choice now for a better tomorrow.


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Playing the Game - Buying A Car

We've done it! Darla and i have finally accomplished our goal of paying off our cars. It feels great to not have a payment, to know you are capable of doing what you set out to do. So how do we want to celebrate? By buying a car of course.

Two nights ago Darla and I were driving past car lots in Beaverton when we drove past a shinny, gray, convertible. If you have read any of my past blogs you know I have always wanted a Circle Car. A Circle car is of course a car with a circle emblem. Audi's, BMW's, Mercedes are all circle cars. We circled back to see what it was. I have been secretly wanting a Mercedes SLK350 convertible, or an Audi convertible. What we saw was something I had not considered. Pulling into the lot I came face to face with a Nissan 350Z convertible roadster. It was used, but i was definitely intrigued. To my surprise Nissan is a circle car. I walked around it once, I walked around again. The lines of the car were beautiful. Darla, smiling at me said, you have to drive it. As I was about to go in, the sales guy came out, and that is when the game began.

Abdul came towards me with a huge smile, "You like, it's a beauty." he sensed he had a fish on the line, and that fish was me. The car had only just gotten to the lot a few days before, it was sure to go fast. He went to get the keys and Darla parked our car. As Darla got in the 350Z there were the comments on how much nicer the car looked with her in it. I of course was thankful it was only a two seater and only Darla and I could fit. As I turned the key the engine roared to life. Abdul said something about a high performance package and we drove off. Wow, wind in my hair, power in my hands, and smile on my face. We zipped around turns, exploded off the line with each green light, then we started to recognize the rattles and squeaks that come with a used car. Returning to the lot I explained to Abdul that while I liked it, this was not the car. He then smiled even bigger and said he had two brand new ones out back that were only $3000 more. Like lambs to the slaughter we followed. It was white with a black top. 6 speed automatic, a 370Z convertible. This was a driving experience. Darla and I giggled as we drove. I envisioned a race track as I worked through the gears. No rattles, no squeaks, this could be it. Back to the lot, and it was time to be reeled in.

Abdul was waiting, he could tell "we liked." As we walked back in, he said, "which do you like better, the black or the white?" "The white one of course," came rolling of my lips. "Cash, or do you want me to finance for you?" He was good, leading me right down the path towards a close. I new the next question would be, how can we help you take this car home tonight, and on cue, that is what came out of Abdul's mouth. I gave him my, this is the first stop, we weren't planning tonight response, and let him know I was interested in what it would cost me monthly. Yep, I gave away the first point. Abdul now knows I don't care how much the car costs, only what the payment will be. And, Abdul zeros in, "What are you hoping for?" My reply was the simple, not sure just wanting a ball park. We gave him the stuff he needed and then he brought out Corry, the finance guy.

If Abdul was good, Corry was better. He was smooth and calculating. He didn't mind those long periods of silence designed to make you sweat and give in. He once again started to work on our monthly range, and got us to bite. He wasn't sure if he could swing it but he would try. He came back with numbers and term lengths. Darla was firm, she was set on the amount and no more than 72 months. Corry left to talk to the unseen manager to see what he could do. Back again, but still not at our spot. It was then that we noticed we were working with a higher price for the car then the one Abdul quoted. We were told that was a special price that ended on July 31, we just missed it, bummer. He went to see once again if they could flex, and again came back a little closer. Would we go with 78, or 80 month terms? We were only $24 per month off that way. We said no, and that we would be more excited to be $24 off in our favor. We got up, thanked them for their time, and headed back to the car.

Yesterday morning I got on line and was surprised to see the very car, listed at the price Abdul originally gave us. I sent a quick email to Abdul and told him how close we had been, and if the had used the right starting price we would have bought last night. I also said but since the had been willing to drop $5k off the price we were negotiating last night I might come in for a $4k reduction off the current price. Last night, Scott the sales manager left me a message stating he had good news. I'll call today to see what the news is. What a Game.



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A Thought for Today

“There’s no next time. It’s now or never.”


Came across this quote today, and it got me thinking of the invites I got from my kids this weekend. It was the Portland Brew Festival this weekend, and with older kids, they called and asked if I wanted to go with them. Work was also needing my attention and that is where I ended up going. My logic, there will be plenty of chances to hang with my kids. However, as I read this quote, I am realizing my kids were not asking me to "Go to Brew Festival," they were really saying, "Dad, we want to spend time with you, Dad we saw this event and you came to mind, Dad, we want to invest some of our weekend in you.". I wish I would have read this quote yesterday. I would have gone with them. How cool to be thought of by your kids. I blew it yesterday. Need to change how I think. “There’s no next time. It’s now or never.”


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Deep Thought

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”
- Dr Wayne Dyer


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Connection

Over the last few days I have been asking the question, "What is most important to me?" There are lots of things that come to mind, family, health, a good job, friends, being productive, making a difference, to name a few. But as I kept wrestling with that question, I found myself slowly zeroing in on the answer.

This morning I got a phone call from Darla, out at Gonzaga where she is working on her Doctorate. She is only gone two nights at a time (I know some of you say no big deal, as you travel more than that), but her call put a huge smile on my face and set the tone for the entire day. As I got to work, my first meeting was with my department heads. Today was up beat and there was a real sense of team as we talked through issues of life and the tasks for the day. At 1:30 pm, I headed out for a late lunch, and met up with a friend I hadn't seen in 18 years (thank you LinkIn for the reconnect). As we talked about our journey's and our families, I couldn't help but think about the good times of days past. Tonight as I jumped in the care I got a call from Gray (my youngest), he wondered what my plans were, and if I wanted to go out to dinner with Evan and him (yes, I paid but that's beside the point). In addition there were phone calls, conversations, and invitations. As I looked at all these things, I realized that what I desire and value most, is CONNECTION. Connection is why I blog, why I Facebook, why I call my family, and what motivates me to do what I do. For me, to not be connected to others would be my definition of death. Connection is what I live for.

As I think of people I admire, and those I don't, those who are happy and those who aren't, in my thinking it always has to do with connection. I'm not sure if others feel the same, but as I take a deep look inward this is what is true of me. As I keep moving forward in life, the extent of my happiness will not be due to how much I have, or what I make, it has been and will always be based on how connected I feel to others and the world around me. Let's get together soon.


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What's In A Sunset

Tonight I find myself sitting on my back deck. I love it when it starts to cool off, and the clouds reflect the sun as it is setting. The boys are out on a walk, and Darla is again in Spokane. It is nights like this, with a good cigar that your able to take a moment to slow down and reflect, to think, to ponder (never thought I'd use that word in a sentence). With the pressure at work and the speed at which life is moving, I don't do this enough these days.

Having watched the clouds I can't help wonder what my life is reflecting to others. I don't think it has been the pretty colors of a sunset, or the excitement of a good conversation with a friend from days gone by (thanks Marna). I know it isn't the feeling of riding a great wave that people are seeing in me (I haven't gotten wet yet this summer). Instead, I am afraid it has been the tension that comes from working hard but feeling like you aren't accomplishing much, or the sense that there is a lack of balance in life at the moment. Perhaps it is the fear that I am prioritizing the wrong things and that I will soon wake up realizing I missed what is most important. Funny how a sunset can make you think about these kinds of things.

The sun is now gone and the clouds have gone back to drifting slowly into the dark. I do know that I don't want to drift aimlessly, but rather soar with purpose. In the morning I'll have to come back out and look for a bird or airplane to take my thoughts that direction. For now, I'll just contemplate on what I reflect to those around me, and trust that like the sunset, I can put a smile on those around me.



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No Surprise

Look deep inside and often what you see you want to keep hidden. Funny how when you allow others to see in, they aren't surprised because they saw it all along.


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Dreaming Away

Sometimes the battle isn't to lose weight, or to get stronger, sometimes it's about doing your best to stay engaged. To stay engaged in relationship, to stay engaged in the job, to stay in community, to stay with the task. At times I find myself thinking more about change, maybe a new car, a new house, a new place to live. Perhaps it's a new job. The battle is about staying with it at times.

Sure dreaming is good. It can actually help spur on creativity and new ideas. But it can also be dangerous, causing you to check out, to disengage, to loose focus because your focus has shifted. I'm not sure how to fight it, or even if I should. I think it is most important to just acknowledge it and the impact it can have. For me dreaming is part of living. But living also has to do with sticking with it when things get hard or tough. Today however, I am dreaming of the warm beach, of winning the lottery, and of new challenging adventures. Tomorrow, I will be back at work Battling On.


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If it's on the Internet, it isn't private.

If it's on the Internet, it isn't private., a photo by DonkeyHotey on Flickr.

I came across this reminder as I was reading some of my favorite pages. It made me stop and think for a moment about what I put out there for all to read. Once you hit send you no longer have control. With some hesitation here this post comes.

Forty Eiqht, Not That Great

I turned 48 this week. Not a huge big deal except for the fact that I don't want to get older. In fact, if I had it my way I would still be 24. That however isn't going to happen. I am twice as old as I want to be. I am twice as old as my daughter. I am probaMbly closer to the end of my life than I am to the beginning. It is kind of a bummer to think about. So my challenge is to not let this getting older thing ruin the present. It doesn't have to get me down. I need to figure out how to embrace it and continue living and enjoying the moment I am in. So how do I do that? How do I look forward and not back?

I don't really have an answer at the moment, just a sense of where I want to be emotionally. I want to live, to love, to experience it all. to not be stuck in my own muck. To not be hindered by others. I want to break free of all that holds me back and start to run. I think it is possible. If nothing elsGe it is worth pursuing. At the very least I have to admit I am 48 and start there.

How I Spend the Weekend, 3-15-11

Back From The Beach - a Video Blog

Living the Second Half of Life Better than the First.

I'm not sure what happened, or even when it happened, only that something has happened. I have been cruising through life for awhile.  And by cruising I don't mean heading to where I want to be really fast, or in a cool car, I mean that I have been moving forward on autopilot.  I have been just happy to let things go the way they are going, enjoy it as it unfolds and ride out the bumps as they come along.  A few months back, I started thinking about that philosophy and where it had gotten me so far.  While some of it wasn't to bad, there were other parts of my life that I was dissatisfied with.  Things that were happening that with a little bit of intentionality I could change. As I though about it at that moment I was 8 months from being 48, I was 235+ lbs, drifting in many ways, outside of work not much fun, and wondering if this was the way life was suppose to go.  The more I pondered on this, the more I realized I needed to do something about it, I needed to do something different that I was currently doing.  Since that time a clear direction has evolved, a road map of sorts.  Not so much with destinations, but with goals.  The goals are currently very broad, but becoming more defined every day.  The road map only takes me two and a half years down the road.  It takes be to June 4th, 20213.  That is the day I turn 50, half a century, 5 decades of life.  Funny thing is rather than roll over and let life run its course, I am determined to hit my 50's, better in every way, than I hit my 30's.  I am looking to enter my 50's in better shape relationally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically, than I hit my 30's.  As lofty a goal as that sounds, I am already moving towards realizing that goal.  I was more or less a couch potato, so just getting up and doing something lets me hit my 50's ahead of the game.  I am working through all of the Spiritual hangups that I have been carrying around forever, Darla and I are in an exciting place in our relationship (as a result of some focused attention), and emotionally I am figuring myself, my needs, and my wants out.  The key in all of this is putting some things in place that I can sustain throughout the rest of my life.  Since coming to this focus, I have lost 26 pounds, with 35 to go.  I have been working out 6 days a week, learning to eat, continuing to ask myself tough questions, and identifying other areas in my life I need to work on.  I am coming to believe that barring any huge health set backs, it is possible to have a better back end of life than front end.  Not sure that I'll ever be as thin, or fast as I was at 18, but I can sure be more fit, and use what I have in a much better way.  I'll write a follow up to this when I turn 65.  

From Good to Poor

Two weeks ago I was sitting in the office of my $90 an hour best friend, telling him how well things were currently going.  My marriage was going well, work was good, and I felt like I was figuring myself out more than ever before.  Then something happened.  I don't know what, maybe a change in the weather, the planets came out of alignment, who knows.  My relationships went from smooth sailing to rough seas, I missed the super bowl, work went sideways, and I don't know what happened.  Funny how you can feel on top of the world, and then in a moment, everything changes.  So my goal at the moment is to keep doing the things for me I need to do.  Second, figure out what I need for me and don't just let life happen to me.  It is Saturday, one week since the sun went dark.  Maybe over the next few days it will come out again and shine like it should.  That is what is going on inside my head as I take a look inward.

My Star Employee Going to Work for My Friend

Every once in awhile you hire someone who makes a difference not only in the day to day work that has to be done, but personally.  We hired someone not to long ago at my facility who took on every challenge, exceeded all expectations, and drove things to a hire level.  She was constantly looking for more work and increasing challenges.  In addition, she brought life to the building.  She was bubbly, energetic, always smiling, loved to ask how I was doing, etc.  Even though she only worked part time hours, I would find myself waiting for the days she worked because I knew it would brighten my day.

A few weeks back my friend who runs another facilty had a full time opening and my star employee went to interview.  I received a call minutes after they met and he asked if he could keep her.  Everything inside me was crying out NO, she needs to stay here.  But, I also knew that it was in her best interest career wise to move forward.  A few days later, my daughter came into my office and gave me here two week notice and let me know she was moving on to her first "Big Girls Job." 

As a dad, I got to see my daughter through the eyes of my department heads.  They would tell me what a difference she was making, how competent she was in her work, how great it was to have her around.  All I could think of was the dishes she couldn't seem to get done, the unmade bed, her junk scattered everywhere.  My little girl grew up in my eyes over the seven months she worked in my facility.  I see her differently today than I would have if she never worked for me.  I wish her well and know she will do an awesome job for my friend.  My loss is definitely his gain.

Meaningless Tasks and Deep Thoughts

I am looking at the tasks that lay in front of me.  Take out the Christmas Tree, take down the outside Christmas Lights, do the grocery shopping, clean the bathroom, start the laundry.  As I contemplate this list of chores (and yes I mean chores) I have to to wonder why!  Why did we go to the trouble of hunting for a tree, cutting it down, tying it to the car, putting lights on it, just to take it down, carry it out, and throw it away?  Why did we hang the outside lights if we were only going to take them down a month later? Why do we use the bathroom in our bedroom (the one I have to clean) when we have three bathrooms in our house? Couldn't we all just use one?  Yes- grocery shopping and laundry make some sense to me, but the rest surely need to be thought through.  My life could be so much more simple if we just eliminated some of the needless things we do. 

All this thinking makes me question how smart are we really?  We send up space shuttles in machines that can sustain incredible heat and speed, yet I still have to stain my back deck every year to protect it from the weather.  We genetically alter plants to produce more and better, but we can't alter them to help us stay at our proper weight.  We create clothes that don't wrinkle, won't stain, stretch, keep their color.  Why not clothes that always are in fashion and hang themselves up?  With all of our great technology we still sweep, vacuum and cook.  I mow the lawn when I am sure we could make grass that only grows to a certain height.  The list goes on.

Obviously today my thoughts are about easing life.  The work I would like to be focusing on today would be deepening the relationship I have with my wife.  A nice walk or hike, a quiet dinner, a sunset.  That is what I would like to be working on, not a list of chores and things that must get done before I go back to work for another week. Enjoy the rest of your weekend.

Procrastination - Is it a flaw? I don't think so.

Not sure what I was thinking. I have put it off as long as I possibly can. I feel the walls pressing in. The calendar is a constant reminder that I have let things slip, and now I am slowly going into panic mode. A year ago I was in the same place, and I swore I would not let it happen again, and yet, it has happened. In college I needed the due date to motivate me to write the paper or start studying for the test. So I have my due date. I am staring December 25th right in the eye. A year ago I had to leave work early on the 24th to find that one last present. I swear the clerk at the mall remembered me from the year before. And here I am again.

So what is it about me that is putting it off to the last minute. I truly am not motivated for Christmas. As a family we have tried to step away from commercialism. But Christmas is not the only area in my life this happens in. The garage door spring has been sprung for over a year and I have not called to get someone in to fix it. I drained the hot tub last week. I still have not refilled it. I need to go grocery shopping but do not want to make a list. The oil in the car needs changing, and on and on and on it goes. Part of me says, "I have had to be responsible for my things and others long enough, I am done." I would rather downsize then be fixing things, replacing things, spending on things. This is a chronic issue for me.

I put off losing weight, I had to put all my bills on bill payer or I would not have gotten them paid. At the core, I long for something different. I have people calling on me all week long, I want a place that does not require anything of me. I want to shut down for a while. I am not sure if it is a wrong thing to feel this way. The reality is this is who I am. I can put things in place that allow me to function and get what I need, despite this part of my character, or I can change. I have the choice to paint my house or pay someone else to do it. I can grocery shop or eat out. Once again it comes down to being ok with myself. Are you ok with you? Keep on Battling.

How do you Determine Self Worth?

I've been looking at the way I view life, process my situation, and try to make sense out of my circumstances. A long time ago I adopted a philosophy that simple stated, "There will always be someone smarter, faster, stronger, better looking, making more money, with a better title, a bigger office, than me. If that is what I pursue, then I will always be disappointed." It is a way of thinking that has always served me well. That is, until I realized that I was using it as an excuse, a way to cop out on ever reaching any goal of any kind. After all, there will always be someone else who is...

The more I take a Deeper Look Inward, I find that this way of thinking really gets at the heart of how I determine my value to, and in, the world. My self worth and self esteem flow from this. Thankfully I am very good at what I do, and those over me reward me in a variety of ways. But should their praise or what they pay me be the means by which I define myself? Should my comparison with others, who will always be smarter, faster, more successful, etc... be the means by which I determine how I feel about me? This is the thinking I am challenged with today as I take a Deeper Look Inward.

I don't have answers at this point, only more questions. But, I would love to dialog with others who are walking down the same line of thinking. Leave a comment here to continue this conversation.

Oregon Ducks vs. Oregon State Beavers - Is it Selfish

Over the last few weeks I have been wrestling with the concept of selfishness versus self care.  I grew up being taught that it was wrong to be selfish, in fact it was sinful to be selfish.  I believed you should always put the needs of others ahead of your own.  This was the right and noble thing to do.  Problem is this philosophy often left me feeling frustrated, walked on, angry and bitter.  In the end, putting others needs ahead of my own would lead me to resent those I thought I was putting first.  Over the last few weeks I have been looking at the idea of not always discounting my needs and wants.  Being able to meet my needs isn't always bad.  In fact, many would call this self care.  As I have explored this theme I have been asking myself, "What did I used to do, enjoy, participate in?  Where did I use to go or spend time?"  I started to look at what I have maybe given up which was important to me, in order to put others first.  One of those areas was football.  Is football wrong.  Is it wrong to enjoy it.  Is it wrong for me to watch it when others want to do something else.  Well last Saturday I practiced some self care and headed to Corvallis for the Civil War Game.  University of Oregon Ducks versus the Oregon State Beavers.  This is what self care looks like for me.

How the Oregon Ducks Versus Oregon State Beavers is Helping me Grow Up

For the last few years I have been working on me.  By that I mean that I have spent years thinking that putting others first, being sacrificial, dying to self, was what the good guy always does. I have worked hard to make sure my wife and kids have had their needs met.  I have a hard time buying what I need.  After a few years of meeting with a councilor, I have started to figure out that taking care of myself is not selfish, it is actually self care.

So how do the Oregon Ducks fit into it?  They are a part of my self care program.  Doing what I enjoy has taken me to the Ducks vs Stanford, the Ducks vs UCLA, and tomorrow it will take me to the Ducks vs Beavers.  Normally I would feel guilty about leaving my wife and kids at home, but I am growing.  I would feel the need to take them, but I am going with friends.  What makes my becoming a little more health more fun, is that the Ducks are playing awesome football.  What other team scores three touchdowns in 5 minutes.  Who else has a shot at the national championship.  My personal development could not have come at a better time.

Tomorrow I will be on my way to Corvallis at 7 am.  Kick off is a 12:30.  I will be dressed in Green, cheering loudly, and quacking when excited.  Its a big day. Games don't get a whole lot bigger than the Civil War Game. What makes it even sweeter is that I didn't have a ticket this time yesterday.  As I have worked on my self it has led to my making friends (another part I am working on).  And now, one of those friends has invited me to the game. The Ducks are helping me to grow up, and the Beaver game just helps me see it.  This is the part of the battle I like.  May your team win tomorrow.

Job Evaluations

It's that time of year again. A time when someone is going to take a look at my performance and determine if I have been a successful employee or not.  All year long I evaluate my employees based on whether or not they are meeting set standards, moving us towards our mission statement, and living out the company values.  It is one thing when I evaluate others, but when it comes to me #%^%@!.  So as I head towards this time, I find myself trying to justify what I have done this year by looking at how much money I have generated for the company, by looking at my facilities compliance record, going over our turn over reports, etc...  But isn't a persons worth to a company more than numbers.  Isn't there more to success than customer satisfaction surveys.  Is the impact you make on others ever a factor?

So, what is an evaluation about anyway.  For the employee we are hoping to hear good things about ourselves, followed by a raise or promotion of some type.  We want our year of service to be valued by our employer in a tangible way.  Sure we want nice things to go into our file, but what we really want is money, green backs, franklin's. We want more than a cost of living increase, we want something substantial.  As an employer we want to align the employee to the coming years direction.  We want more work in the same amount of time.  We hope we don't have to pay any more for it. We want unquestioning loyalty, and exceptional work ethic, and a stellar attendance record.  No wonder there is more disappointment after an evaluation than any other time. 

So how can i approach my evaluation this week in a different way. I want to be in the drivers seat and lead the meeting, rather than have it happen to me. I would like to make a proposal for a change in position, or a way to financially incentivize me to higher performance.  I really want to be invited to the inner circle of ownership, but would settle for something that felt like a promotion, or moving ahead.  At the least I hope to walk away from the time with a better understanding of what I do well, and what I need to work on, a sense that I am valuable to my employer, and that they are thinking of my future as well as their own. I hope they realize that my evaluation matters to me, and as I am honest with myself, it does matter, it is important.  My your evaluation be all that you want it to be.

I've Become an Oregon Duck Fan

I can't help it.  I tried to resist for as long as I could.  I didn't grow up in Oregon, I didn't go to school here.  Instead I went to a small school in Minnesota.  When we first moved here back in 1998, I thought everyone was nuts.  Fridays people were either in Green or Orange.  Emails were finished with "Go Ducks."  Flags hung outside of houses on game day.  I just didn't get it.  Then I was invited to head to Eugene on a Saturday.  The sea of green, helped by the endless flow of beer, the loud crowd, and an exciting quick scoring team slowly started drawing me in.  It didn't hurt that the beat Stanford.  Two weeks later I found myself in green.  I was shouting a yelling with the rest of them as UCLA, was sent sadly back to Los Angeles.  As I have started to quack, I feel myself experiance feeling I thought had left me.  I am recapturing a part of me that I had suppressed.  I am yelling at the tv, learning the names of players and coaches, and looking forward to a national championship.  I will be in Green on Friday.  I can't help it.  I have become an Oregon Duck Fan.  I think I'll send one of my kids there next year so I have an excuse to drive down during the fall.

Slowing Down to Be Me

Last weekend I was in Camas WA. with a bunch of friends.  We found ourselves sitting around a few tables drinking beer, eating pizza and enjoying each others company.  While the beer and pizza were awesome, the conversation was even better.  We talked about life, how to be authentic, and discussed when in life were we most truly ourselves.  As we told our stories, I was stuck by the common them, that for most of us it occurred when life was moving at a slower pace, when we were not being pressed by others to be what we were not.  For some it was a time of less responsibilities so there was more freedom to do and be.

I continued to think a great deal about the conversation this last week while at work.  Pressed by timelines, projects, and important decision, I found myself in a place where I was unable to slow down enough to make sure I was being true to myself.  As a result patience  ran short, I could feel the internal pressure.  I was unable to be and respond to others in the way I most wanted to.  As a result, I am asking as I look inward, how can I do this coming week better?  How can I slow life down enough to live it the way I desire to and not get caught in the trap of becoming what I am forced to become.  As you can see I have a ways to go on my Deep Look Inward, but each day I figure me out a little more.  Here are a few pictures from Camas that capture a slower, simpler, side of life

Thinking at the Beach

I find myself sitting at the beach once again.  In Oregon that usually means through on a rain jacket instead of a swimming suit, lighting a fire in the fire place, rather than a beach fire, and snuggling up with a book instead of tanning under the sun.  Interestingly, I find that I enjoy the typical Oregon beach trip more than I did the beach in California.  In Oregon I find myself slowing down and thinking about life.  I check in with myself regarding how I am doing, how I am feeling, where I am at.  Sometimes I like the answers, other times it is a starting point, a place to leap off from, a change in direction.  I continue to ask the question am I doing what I am uniquely designed to do?  The question assumes that we were uniquely designed to do something, and that we know what that thing we were designed to do is.  I find the second have of that assumption to be difficult.  How do I know what I was designed for.?  Is there a manual on Rick Samuelson?  Is there a Yellow Brick Road I should be following.  My guess is that if I am doing what I was designed for, I will be enjoying it, I will be energized by doing it, I will find myself wanting to get back to it when I am not doing it.  I am not sure if doing what I designed for always has to be my job.  It could be my hobby, or what I invest the majority of my time and thought to.  Bonus if it is your job and you are being paid to live out your purpose.  As I look out the window and see the wind blow and the rain fall, I know I have not answered the question what am I designed for, but it is what I will endeavor to discover, for in that answer is the key to my next steps in life and the unfolding of the direction I will head in.  I am passionate about being fully who I am suppose to be.  I just hope I will like the answer.  I love Oregon beach days and the chance to contemplate.  May you find your beach as well.  Until you do enjoy a few of my recent beach pictures. 

How can I Make a Million

It was a rough day, a rough week, a rough year.  I found myself thinking, "Why am I knocking myself out?" I'm sure that driving by a Lottery Billboard this morning didn't help, Powerball and Mega Bucks are starting to get up there again.  Sure that 115 million is only 30 million after taxes when you take it in a lump sum, but I think I could figure out how to live for a few years on that.  Cruising the internet, there are hundreds of promises that I can be my own boss, find financial success, and have my dreams come true if I just buy an online course and start my own web business.  So why do I go in everyday and beat my head against the wall.  Who wouldn't jump at the chance to take a vacation every other week, to work in my underwear, or have a business that runs itself.  I just don't think it could be that easy.  Then again, there are people doing it.  What do they know that I don't know.  I do a great job running the business that I am overseeing, but its not my business.

So I need to generate a few ideas.  What do I do really well?  I do a good job sleeping.  I can flip through channels on the tv.  I've been told I really know how to make a mess.  Not sure these are niche markets I can capitalize on.  I am a great day dreamer.  I know how to order at Starbucks.  I enjoy free tickets to Ducks Football Games.  Might be able to write and sell an ebook on those.  Bottom line is I don't believe the things I am into interest many others.  On the other hand I really haven't done much to see if I am right or wrong on that.  Since making a million is no small venture, I will give it some time.  However, if you have a get rich quick idea, let me know.  I am looking to make a million soon.

Carbon Foot Print and a Sustainable Life

Not sure what is happening to me.  If you drive by our house at any given time you will find seven cars almost all belonging to us.  Three of them are big four wheel drives and the other three are older little cars.  We definitely add to the global warming crisis the world is facing.  We have been known to buy things packaged in plastic with a half life of a billion plus years, by chickens that have been pumped with hormones, and we on occasion have sprayed pesticides on our plants to kill the bugs.  When it is hot we run our AC.  Our house has not been know to champion the cause of sustainability or living green.  That is until recently.

One of the downsides to having kids in college is they are being challenged to think differently.  That would be fine if they all lived in the dorm and didn't bring their idealism home with them.  Our problem is they live at home and for me, there is no escaping their thinking.  This summer we had a garden.  We have argued over buying organic eggs, range free chicken, or beef that ate real grass in a farm nearby.  To me a cow is a cow is a cow.  I couldn't be more wrong.  We are composting, recycling, and trying to by only what we absolutely will eat.  it is rumored that some that live here don't shower every day.  My life is slowly being changed.  Interestingly, I find myself being caught up in it.  Their is some real truth to what they are saying.  Not sure that I like that I have to be impacted by it.  I have been managing it well.  That is until this last week.  My car is no longer running.  It seems to need a $800 fuel pump.  The car is not worth that much anymore..  First thought is that I know have a reason to go and by that BMW I have always wanted.  But living a sustainable life means considering the reduction of cars and driving.  Do Darla and I really need two cars, can we figure out the bus and walking and ride sharing.  I have to ask will it really make much of a difference.  Then I ask, why didn't I insist that the kids live in the dorms.  Looks like we are going to be experimenting with reducing our Carbon Foot Print.  Wanted to make sure I invited each of you to join us.  If you need to I have room in my driveway for one more car.

Feelings of Turmoil

Its getting late.  The boys are up playing video games, Darla is studying hard in the dinning room, and I am sitting on the couch contemplating going to bed.  Life seems to take interesting turns.  One day things are cruising along smooth, and the next it feels like a five car pile up on the interstate. I am in one of those pile ups right now. Without going into detail I find myself in this place from time to time because I am afraid to state what I need or want.  I back off from saying what I know needs to be said. Instead of taking the lead I take the back seat. To step up is uncomfortable for me at times.  It creates pain and tension in peoples lives.  To not step up creates pain and tension in my life.  I don't always get why I put my own well being on the shelf to make others feel good.  However, at this time I can't ignore it.  To much is on the line and I find I have to stand in the gap for what I know is right and best.  I hate the feeling.  I know what I have to do, what needs to be done.  It just takes me a while to do it.  I'm not as bad off as it sounds, my $90 an hour best friend help me with my processing last night.  Lucky for him, he isn't the one who has to act.  I do.  So tonight I sit here and contemplate how to move forward, how to stand firm.  Only by looking inward can I figure out how to move forward.  It is great fun

On Parade

I week ago I took time out from work, grabbed a few of my employees, a few residents where I work, and a few of their family members and Marched in our local home coming parade.  For a moment I was transported back to my high school days with the band playing, floats, and plenty of people cheering along the route.  Here are a few quick pictures from the day

A Few More Pictures

Live has been moving at increasing speed these days. Work, family, friends, have all been pulling on me.  I have lead my facility through another successful survey, watched a few friends get married, waved as my three youngest all went off to college at George Fox, and am spending occasional weekends bacheloring it as Darla begins her doctorate.

In the midst of it all I try to keep my sanity by slowing down to look at what is going on around me, to see what I so easily miss. Taking a few pictures around Portland, at home, or were ever I find myself is the easiest way to do that. I’ve been playing with light, shadows, and color.  Using a tripod at times and trying to play with longer shutter speeds.  Let me know what you think by leaving a comment