A Life of Impact

Today was another day that marks the passing of time. My youngest son, Grady is turning 20. Because of family schedule issues (now that all the kids live out of the house and have their own lives), we decided for a Birthday Brunch. Darla and I made the breakfast, Einstein's provided the bagels and coffee, and everyone else brought their appetites. As we were finishing up, Darla, as she usually does, asked us all to share one thing about Gray we had missed since he moved down to Eugene a year ago. Each one of us shared something unique and different, but there also was a common theme that ran through each story. Each account touched on the way that Gray, in his quick 20 years, had impacted, influenced, changed our lives. I don't think Gray had realized the part he played in each of us, I don't think we realized it until we were sitting there.

As the morning continued I found myself reflecting on the fact that each of us impact others every time we cross paths with someone. Sometimes positively and sometimes negatively. Today the man at Tmobile who felt he had to wait in line to long, and took it out on the kid behind the counter, had a negative impact. The neighbors who all attended my oldest son and his brides open house, had a positive impact. Was my connection to people today more good or bad. Whose attitude was changed because of their encounter with me. How was I changed because of my encounter with them.

I recently came across this quote from Jackie Robinson -

“A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives.”

The more I consider this quote, the more I agree with it. My life should be measured by the impact it has on others, by the difference it makes in those around me. Gray, Happy Birthday and keep impacting those around you.

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Keeping House is Hard

Sure I help out around the house, or at least I thought I did. I clean the bathrooms, I do the grocery shopping, I make the bed when I'm the last one up. I even do the cooking on most nights when we eat in. I'm a huge contributor to the daily operation of the Samuelson household, right? However, I might not have been doing as much as I thought. I would carry the clothes basket down, but Darla would do the laundry, I would watch TV in the family room, but Darla would vacuum the house, on a rare occasion I might get the mail, but Darla would pay the bills. Darla would feed the dog, sweep the floors, dust, wash windows, clean the fridge. I programmed the thermostat, took out the garbage, and took care of the hot tub. Darla took care of her car, I took care of mine. Birthday cakes and entertaining are her realm, decorating and choosing paint color. In fact, even painting falls to her. I have someone do the yard while I smoke cigars and drink beer.

Obviously, with Darla in Spokane this summer, she isn't doing as much around the house. Much of it falls on me. I would have never guessed how much hair falls off the dog and onto the floor. Where does all the dust come from and how does it get in the house? I have found that I hate sorting mail, paying bills and watering the indoor plants (I am now a believer that plants belong outside). I never realized that the cups I take downstairs when watching tv, don't walk themselves to the sink. In short I am realizing that my partner, my roomy, my best friend, does far more than I realized, and I'm afraid to say, but more than I do around here. I have taken a clean house for granted. I have enjoyed not looking at our finances. I didn't even mention her role as activity coordinator, planner of vacation, and promotors of physical and emotional health and well being.

When you live in close proximity it is easy to miss what is happening right in front of you. When things are magically getting done you don't realize the hard work being done by another. But when there is extended time apart, and those other tasks become yours, you notice real fast what you didn't before. I cringe to think of the complaining I do over my small list of contributions, but am becoming so very grateful for all Darla has done over the years. We may need to rethink a few things around here when Darla gets back, I may need to step up a little bit more.

Just another thing I am learning during this summers experiment of living apart.

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“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”
― Mae West

I love this quote! Here is to living life right.


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Conversations

I love to talk, to listen, to be challenged, to debate, to think, to inspire and be inspired, to be with people who are growing and pushing the boundaries they grew up having understood. I like all this when it isn't focused on me and where I am stuck, not growing, not moving forward.

This morning I found myself engaged in one of these conversations, deep and focused on beliefs and ways of doing things that I have bought into, but may not be the best way to view or see life. In the midst of the conversation I kept finding myself wanting to say, "Stop, I like my set ways, I don't want to be aware of different ways, because I might have to change." I had to continually force myself to stay open and engaged to the conversation, to the ideas and concepts being presented, to the possibility of other options, ways of being, paths to take. All of this can seem scary, can seem big, and in someways wrong. Yet, at the same time it can seem exciting, new, right.

I am at a time in my life where I realize some of the ways I have done life are no longer working for me. Living for other people, basing my decisions on what I think will make others happy, or will avoid conflict, is backwards. Conversations help me see this, even when I would rather not. Conversations force me to consider those things I have bought into without really thinking them through. And, if I chose to stay engaged even when it focus on me, I just my grow and change, and find I am better because of it. So if your up for it lets talk.

Below is a poem that was shared with me. Thought I would pass it on to you.



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The Experiment Begins

My wife of almost 29 years, and I, are trying something new. We are experimenting with living in separate states for the next 6 weeks. Doctoral studies require her to be there, my job requires me to be here. Funny thing is we have both been traveling in opposite directions the last 2 weeks, so it isn't new. However, saying good bye yesterday was different. It had more to do with destination. The last two weeks the destination has always been home. Short trips, a few phone calls, and then face to face. This time her destination is someplace else. She will settle in there for awhile, I will stay here. There will be lots of phone calls, some Skype, a few trips along the way for short visits. It all feels very different.
She called at noon yesterday to tell me she was finally on the road. I felt my emotions go flat. Heading home after work was with the realization that there wasn't much to anticipate, except for a waiting dog, who would want to be fed and need a walk. I would be cooking for one, making decisions for one. It feels very different.
At the same time there are a few life issues I want to work out over the next six weeks. I live life very enmeshed, always trying to please others. I often let what I assume they may be thinking sway my decision. It's gotten to the point that I have stopped asking what do I want to do and instead I have been living based on what I think others would want me to do. Over the last I have become increasingly aware of this and am working to change. For the next six weeks it will be just me, to a certain extent, determining what I want to do, to focus on, to invest time in. It feels very different.
It is going to be an interesting experiment. One with an end date. One in which I am trusting that growth will come. In the mean time, I leave in three days to go see where she is hanging out.
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Movies and Life

The other night we found ourselves looking for something to do. Not wanting to spend money, or really even to leave the house we turned to Netflix. Lately this has not been a great way to spend the evening. We spend a half hour looking through movies only to start and realize we have watched it before, or that the movie isn't really a story we are that interested in. However, on this night my wife came armed with a movie that she had heard others talking about. We quickly had the movie on,the lights down and we were treated to an awesome movie,The way. I won't go into all the details except to say, it was about a father who heads to Spain and completes the pilgrimage started by his son, The Road to Santiago, and works through his own personal life issues. There is a theme that runs through the movie, that we all get on the road for different reasons.

During the movie I found myself wondering what I would discover about myself if I were ever to take a pilgrimage and how it might change me. I wondered what my reason for going might be, to find myself, spiritual enlightenment, to connect more closely to God? I even started to think through the logistics, could I ever take a month off, how would I pay my bills, what's holding me back?

In many ways I am on a pilgrimage right now. I may not be in Spain, or walking miles and miles, but I am going through the painful process of walking through life, encountering obstacles, experiencing excitement, noticing growth and change in my life. The difference of doing it at home vs. Spain, is that I am distracted by the many daily things in my life. I don't get to experience the hours of quite reflection while walking. I don't come to the end of my self physically and emotionally. Because my road is often the same scenery every day, I miss seeing the beauty of it. Because those I encounter are often the same, I fail to enjoy them as I might on "the road." Maybe I should walk from time to time, sit and listen, reflect and enjoy. It is not about reaching the destination, it is about what you learn along the way. And, that is what I learned while watching the Sheen family entertain me during the movie. See you at the movies.

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Trust Yourself -part II

"As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Today I am sitting in a coffee shop in Idaho, sipping an Iced Irish Coffee, sneaking glimpses of Darla studying, and reading through a bunch of quotes that I have copied along the way. I have blogged on the quote by Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe before., but it caught my attention again today. Initially I was intrigued by it, could knowing how to live simply be the result of trusting yourself? Surely life is more complex then that. I then found my self becoming frustrated and a bit angry. Who is this author to say that my feelings of not knowing how to live are a result of my not trusting me? He doesn't even know me.

Sensing a growing reaction to a quote, or anything for that matter, usually signals a need for me to take a little deeper look and determine why I might be reacting. Really, what does not trusting myself mean? Do I need to worry that if i am not watching myself closely I might do something that would land me in jail, cost me my job, or get me in trouble with the home owners association? Or could it simply mean that I don't trust myself to know what I need or want, to know what is best for me?
Growing up I somehow began to live by the notion that left to my own wants and desires nothing good could result. The only thing that resides inside man is bad, selfish, sinful, thoughts and wants. When I was eight my Sunday School teacher taught me the heart is deceitful above all else, she couldn't be wrong, could she? As a result I looked for outside entities to think for me, my family, the church, books, the Bible, my wife, after all I couldn't trust myself, not sure why they were better at determining truth for me, but oh well. As I reflect back, I gave others the power to determine what I should pursue for a career, what I should focus on in school, how to do marriage. Left to myself I would do it wrong, selfishly, right? Sadly, this is how I have lived much of my life, and something I still wrestle with daily.
Over the last few years I have been becoming more aware of how messed up this way of thinking is. I am not inherently bad or evil, I prove every day that I am loving and other centered. There is no one better than me to know what I want and need, to understand what is best for me. This is not selfishness and sinful, this is self care and healthy. Trusting myself means believing that I know what I need to grow, to love, to experience life at its fullest, not to be afraid. I may mis-step, but it is trusting that I will recognize it and get it right the next time.
My reaction to the quote is really me being angry with me, for living in slavery to a warped way of thinking for so long, for not being able to figure it out sooner, of missing out on truly living for so long. I an endevouring to trust myself, so that I might truly live.

Worth Waiting For

They say that some things are worth waiting for, and I would have to agree. I have spent the last week anticipate the return of my youngest. He was returning from school to attend a wedding, not really to hangout with the fam. I knew that would be true before he came home and thought I was ready for it. A quick trip, hang out for a short time, grab a bite, see the brothers and sis, check in and move on. We weren't sure when he was coming up, if he would spend a few days or just the night. As the week went on it looked like time would be shorter than longer. On Friday I got the call he would need to be picked up at the bus station around five thirty that evening. As soon as we hung up the clock started to tick slower, the meetings lasted longer and the anticipation brought all things to a stop. In a rush I realized I had been missing him.

I left work early because I couldn't stand waiting. I watched the people walk by looking for him even though I new his bus hadn't arrived yet. Funny the things you do. After an eternity and a few text messages he was there, jumping in the car, looking good with a big smile on his face. As we started towards home he started filling me in on his life, decisions he was making, a relationship he was excited about, work, school, music, and within minutes it felt like everything was right in my life. As we pulled into the driveway and walked into the house, his best buddy, Surf, was waiting for him, waiting to be pet and acknowledged, his mom was waiting too with a big smile and a hug. Quick words and he was out the door to the rehearsal dinner, then to catch up with his siblings. He wasn't sure if he would be home that night or stay over some place else.

In less than an hour life went from full to a little empty, excitement to melancholy. Not sure how it happens so fast, you would think there would be a lasting effect of his being home, if even for a little while. But no, life moves forward even if we feel stuck in sand. While he came home after going out, he was the typical college student and slept in till noon. We went out for lunch, something I know he likes to do, something I wanted to do with him. His sister joined us. I enjoyed just being around him. I couldn't help but think about how he was changing, yet not changing at all. He seemed so independent and confident, yet he had always been that way. Before he left for the wedding he had come home for, he said he would be heading back to school instead of staying a little longer.He had a life together back to,a concert to go to. The time was over as quickly as it had begun. We said our goodbyes, he jumped in the car he was taking back to school, and drove off.

They say something's are worth waiting for, and I would add to that, some things are worth continuing to wait for. I start waiting now for the next time he comes home, even even just for a few hours. It was good to miss him,good to see him, good to know he is missed.


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rick samuelson's photostream

rick samuelson's photostream on Flickr.

As I have been contemplating my life I also go out and take pictures of things that interest me

Living Life

Just being ourselves is the biggest fear we have as humans - Don Miguel Ruiz

As I reflect on life I envision a little boy, running and playing, laughing, being loud, unbound, unhindered, aware only of the sun on his face, the joy inside, his desire to experience, to live. Over time this same boy is told, walk don't run, you should be seen and not heard, you must have goals and focus, you must be responsible, you must take your place in life's drama. As this boy enters manhood he comes to learn that to get ahead, to move forward, to become apart of the human drama, he must play be the rules imposed upon him, to walk in step, to play the part, to drink the kool aide.
Many years ago Steve Taylor wrote a song, "I want to be a Clone." it was a look at how people willingly give in to being like everyone else. We do it to be accepted, to fit in. We do it to avoid conflict. We do it because that is what is expected in this world. And, as we become what it is we are told to become by religion, school, work, family, culture, and the world t large, we lose a little bit of ourselves along the way. We lose the wonder, the desire to run and jump, laugh and sing, to explore and experience, to learn and to live.
When did pleasing others become more important than personal happiness and well being. When did taking care of yourself become the sin of selfishness. When did the voice of others and their system of belief become more important than our own voice and coming to our own beliefs.
We have forgotten who we are, we no longer know or recognize ourselves, to be ourselves means breaking free from what we have become, slaves to what others think and believe, prisoners to expectations that belong to others that we have somehow adopted, trapped to the beat of a drum we are not drumming. My greatest fear is truly being myself. That's not true, my greatest fear is trying to be myself and realizing I have no idea who I really am.
To know myself, to be myself and to live as myself is my greatest goal at this time in my life. I trust you know who you are.
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The Four Agreements

In my ongoing quest to figure life out, I while occasionally pick up a book to read. Recently a friend of mine (thank's Cole Mack) sent me a book saying it had made a profound impact on how he lives, or attempts to live, his life. Being a sucker for free, I picked it up and started reading. In "The Four Agreements," author Don Miguel Ruiz walks through some basic ancient Toltec beliefs. The premise is that each of us have bought into self limiting beliefs, or dreams, that keep us from experiencing life as it is meant to be lived. As we go through life we make agreements (internal) to live by these self limiting beliefs, often without even realizing it. However, we also have the ability to make new agreements that can help break us free of these wrong beliefs or ways of thinking.

Having quickly read the book in three days, I have already started to apply The Four Agreements, and am finding I do not have to be bound by the rules I have for so long played by. There is much to learn from Toltec beliefs. I am awesome, as I am. Thanks Cole for passing this one on. If you have read the book, please share your thought. I am just starting to apply it




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Portland MS Walk 2012

This year I have joined up with friends and family to participate in the MS Walk. On April 14th, thirty of us from Avamere Rehab of King City will be making a difference by raising money to defeat MS. You can view my Personal Web Sight by clicking this link. You can join us by making a small donation.

Thanks for your help


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The Story of Our Lives

I came across the video below as i was processing some issues in my life. The video is short and simple, and looks at the story that each of us create with our lives. It finishes by asking the simple question -Did you enjoy your story? By that I take it to mean the story of our own life. It seems like there is much in life that is unenjoyable. Should our goal be to enjoy as much as possible, and what do we do with those things that keep us from enjoying, or cause pain, do we discard them and remove them from our lives? These are some of the questions I am thinking through today.

A Story of Tomorrow
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Looking for Happiness

"People spend a lifetime searching for happiness;
looking for peace.
They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions,
even other people,
hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them.
The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within."
~Ramona L. Anderson (1887-1949)American writer

As I was playing around on my IPad the other day, wasting time and trying to at least feel productive, I came across a post in Facebook from a friend of mine Mitch. I don't know if it was the great sunset in his profile picture or the fact that the post was from someone I find interesting, but I quit flicking my finger long enough to read the quote by Ramona Anderson.

I have to tell you, I hate it when a quote speaks into my life and this one definitely did. It got me thinking about my pursuits and the reasons for them. It started me questioning why I involve myself in certain things or behaviors. Is it truly a pursuit of happiness, or drilling down a little deeper, is it my attempt to make myself feel good, or, not feel bad? Why do I hangout with people, watch movies, work so hard, drink, smoke cigars, etc... Is it to try to make myself feel good, feel important, escape feeling lonely, insignificant, unloved or unlovable? Why is it that I define happiness based on external things like number of Facebook friends I have, how many nights I am out of the house, my job title, the car I drive, how many people I make laugh or smile? These aren't bad things, but if they are what I base happiness on, I will start out each morning having to score happiness point in order to define myself as happy for that day. How miserable to start each morning as unhappy, and have to work towards happiness, and who defines how many points you must score to be happy.

Ramona suggests that happiness is not externally driven, but internally based. I have to be honest, I have a hard time with this thinking. I don't always like to look inside and "cultivate the soul, or practice self care, or tend to the issues within." isn't that for introverts, not extroverts. That's the stuff of Psychologists, HR managers, etc... Those who are CEO's or oversee large groups of people, or must out perform the world everyday of the week, can't look inside. I don't know how to define happiness internally. Is it a feeling? I was told feelings aren't always reality. Is it a inner voice? I was told that could be the voices of past fear and doubt, or my elementary school teacher telling me I wasn't coordinated (thanks Mrs. Smith). But it does make more sense that happiness is a state of being rather than an endless pursuit. It is something you know instead of a destination on a map.

Obviously, I have no answers only thought, and that is what looking inward is all about for me. If you have any thoughts or input please add it to my blog or Facebook. May you experience happiness today. I am going to the Brewfest to contemplate.


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Life

What is life, if not a series of relationships that bring smiles, tears, laughter, pain, growth and a richness and depth. It's relationships that help you see yourself rightly, challenge you to grow, and force you to think in ways you normally wouldn't. Life truly is an unpredictable ride. But, I don't think I would have it any other way.


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Quote For Sunday - Thoughts on Happiness

“Happiness is not the absence of problems, it's the ability to deal with them.”
― Steve Maraboli

As I think about happiness, I find that I want to define it as only good and never bad. Happiness should only be about positive experiences, up lifting friendships, successes and triumphs. Problems should have no place in happiness, right? Unfortunately, my limited view of happiness means I am destined to a life of unhappiness, for every day brings problems and issues, pain and sorrow, the unpleasant and the unwanted. If my definition were to stand, life will be a most unhappy experience.




Bring on today's quote and the equation changes. It is not about the experience but how I walk through it, it is not about the situation, but my response. I am reminded of other sayings, "life is what you make it," or " when life gives you lemons, make lemon aide." once again I come face to face with the realization, we are not victims. We choose each day how we will think and respond to all that life throws at us. We decide how we are going to deal with the things we face. Sit in the dark and wallow in self pity, or get up and tackle life.

Happiness is not the absence of problems. That is a profound and very deep thought. It is the ability to deal with them. And I would add to that, the ability to deal with them well.



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Some Quotes you just have to think about

“People tend to complicate their own lives, as if living weren't already complicated enough.”
― Carlos Ruiz Zafón, The Shadow of the Wind

I don't know this author, and I haven't ever read his book, but this quote I came across really hit me today. Why is it that we tend to make life more complex than it is. We read into things others say, we interpret glances to mean what they don't, we strive for things we shouldn't, and we get discouraged when we don't reach goals that are unattainable. We give opinions that aren't asked for, we give advice that causes more harm than good, we fail to enjoy what is right in front of us. Should life be simple? Should each day be enjoyed? Each day starts out new, with fresh possibilities and new experiences. Why complicate it by trying to make more of it? Why drag the past forward. Today does not have to be complicated, it just needs to be lived. It will be complicated enough without help from me.


Just a deep thought to start my weekend


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Thoughts on Leadership

If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader. John Quincy Adams

This is a great reminder of what my role as a leader is really all about. It is simply about helping others be their best


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Feel Stuck

I find myself in a strange spot. The sun is shining but life seems foggy. I'm working out each day but I have no energy. I'm working hard but accomplishing little.
When I get this way I start thinking about change. I don't know if it is change in location, change in job, or what the needed change is? I just know that something is off. Could be a few weeks away would do the trick. I can envision time at the beach or up in the mountains. Not sure how to make it happen, how to change my outlook.
Key for me is feeling connected in my relationships, being successful at work and moving forward in life. At the moment each of those areas feels stuck. That's what I need to focus on changing. Let me know what your thinking about. I always learn from others.
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It's You're Life

I came across a picture today that really sums up my thinking this last week. As I have been wrestling with who I am and how I want to live my life, I continue to come face to face with my need to own my own stuff. Who would have thought an ad campaign for a clothing company would speak into my life. But, I was struck. The company is Holstee click on the name to learn more. They wanted to do more than sell clothing, the wanted to promote a lifestyle.

Here is the picture. Let me know your thoughts. As always, I am trying to take time to take a Deep Look Inward.




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Looking into the Mirror

"The most difficult phase of life is not when no one understands you, it is when you don't understand yourself" ~Anonymous

Over the last few weeks I have been spending a bit of time in personal reflection. The problem is the more I look into the mirror, the less I like what I see. In the past if that would happen I would simply shut my eyes and move on. However, that is not working so well for me these days. So I am back to taking a deep look inward after taking a bit of time off. Only this time I am likely to go deeper and battle more, than ever before. It is starting with the simple truth that the only one truly responsible for who I am, who I've become, is me. The devil didn't make me do it, my parents didn't force me, each step that brought me to this point and time, good or bad, was a step, a choice, a decision I made. I am responsible for all the good, bad and ugly. And, from that step of taking responsibility for me, I will look into the mirror, embrace the good, change the bad, and work towards beauty. Time to go look at my reflection. - Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Thank you Oregon Duck's

The Oregon Ducks are the Rose Bowl Champions. Thanks for a great year.







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