A Deep Look Inward: May 2010

It’s Memorial Day 2010, and I find myself sitting in a quite family room. The bunch that live here are all sleeping in this morning. It gives me time to think, to reflect, to connect. As I think about the Holiday, I find myself wondering why I am not inspired by the actions of those we are suppose to memorialize, those who gave their lives for our freedom, for our dreams, for our happiness. I went to a cemetery yesterday to see if I could somehow better connect to those who gave so much so that I could watch a flat screen tv that connects directly to Netflix, or eat at Claim Jumper with its obscenely large portions, or use my cell phone to get work emails and reports on my day off. I am not sure that those who died in the many wars realized they were fighting so we could argue about immigration, or whether or not we should legalize marijuana, or gay marriage or not gay marriage. They fought for the things I still am desperately trying to obtain. A sense of freedom, the ability to pursue my dreams, and the hope that happiness comes my way continuously. Sorry, but what those soldiers did doesn’t inspire me.

My inspiration today comes from someone I know who is living free, pursuing dreams and chasing what makes her happy. At 22, almost 23, she has found ways to make her dream of traveling come true. Today she leaves for France. I get to take her to the airport. She has been working hard for the last 4 months saving her money, she found a nanny job to pay to get her their and cover the bulk of her expenses, she is getting her euro rail pass and has enrolled in school. She is excited, packed, and ready to go. When I watch her she does not seem bound by the things that I allow to bind me, those assumed rules, the learned rights and wrongs, or limit’s that we somehow place on ourselves. She simply knows what she wants and has found a way to go after it. What is cool is that she hasn’t given up on her dream, she is making it happen, and today she is on her way. What I want to learn from Katee is that pursuing your dreams is ok, in fact it is right. That giving yourself permission to pursue those dreams is freedom, and that in moving towards those dreams is where happiness is often found. Strangely I learn these lessons from my kids when I should be the one teaching the lessons, right???? Wait, that is one of those learned ideas that I have. instead I should be saying, “How cool to learn lessons from my daughter.” Katee, have a most awesome three months and I’ll see you at the airport when you get back.

So a few months back I got a new toy, a Nikon Camera. In College I took photography and was an accidental Art Minor, meaning I took so many art classes I minored in it with out realizing it. Ceramics, Art History, and a number of other classes. Ceramics and Photography were my favorites. Because I don’t have room for a kiln in my backyard, I opted to explore my creative side once again with a camera. Since then I have been having fun with exploring color, lighting, depth of field. Taking pictures of the everyday but from a new or different perspective. It is interesting to me to try and make the ever day interesting again. Of course there is the ocean and sunsets and subjects that are always interesting to me, but all around us are things that scream to be looked at. I have decided to post a few of my pictures here from time to time, as they are a reflection of my journey, of a look deeper inward As I let myself see things again, I somehow am seeing myself more clearly again. Yes, I have even taken a picture of an occasional flower or two, weird I know. So stay tuned as I try to get better and better at capturing life around me as it happens. Here are a few recent pictures.

Emptiness