Focus of the Week

I have been thinking through some of my life decision the last few weeks.  Decisions of where I went to school, of when I got married, career choices (I am on my third career at the moment), the cars I have purchased, the friends I have made, you name it, I have been looking back at it.  You can’t change any of those decision or the impact they have had on you, but you can hopefully learn from the good decisions and the bad, to make better ones in the future.

Last week a friend of mine called while we were both driving home from work.  We were talking through what we do each and every day.  Both of us do the same thing in different buildings.  While we both make good money, we were questioning whether the the stress, the amount of time, the way we seem to miss out on important events at home, and the fact that we come home to spent to focus on other pursuits, is worth all the money we are paid.  Would life be more enjoyable with less $$$$ but more of a quality of life.  I have been looking at what other people do for jobs, and while many don’t come with fancy titles, or large paychecks, I wonder if they are enjoying life more? 

I met with a man yesterday who is an Elder Law Attorney.  It was work related.  When I asked how he chose elder law he told me a story of being a Corporate Lawyer, doing very well, but having an experience with his aging father.  He decided to make a change. While his first few years he barely broke even, those were his favorite years of his professional life because he was doing something that gave him meaning and purpose.  He found his fit.  He began to enjoy life.  That is the question I am facing this weekend.  Am I enjoying MY life?  Does my current job allow me to enjoy MY life?  What does it look like to enjoy MY life? 

I follow a number of my friends, old and new, on facebook.  Some it is very apparent have answered this question.  I see a few doing jobs they love, like ceramics, or making soap and candles.  Others have jobs that let them do what they love, like act in plays, spend time with friends, or travel. Reading the many updates lets me know that it is possible to have a quality of life that is very enjoyable.  The pursuit of power, position, wealth, does not necessarily get you what your really want, enjoyment, satisfaction, peace, contentment. 

Guess I have a few things to think through this weekend.  That's why I like weekends, a chance to think, to consider, to wonder, to look at life from different angels.  This is one of those things I want to figure out.  I hope you are enjoying life.  If not, you can join me in my quest to figure out the answer to this area of my life.

Saturday In The Park? Not this Weekend

Every once in a while I wake up singing songs from the past.  This morning I caught myself fumbling through the words for “Saturday In The Park.” by Chicago.  Its not the fourth of July, I’m not living in Chicago, so the only logical explanation is that Saturday is here.  As it is 7 in the morning there are not many people laughing or dancing in my house. In fact, with the exception of Surf the Wonder Dog and my self they are all sleeping.  As the song continues to bounce through my head I find myself coming out of the sleepy fog I was in, my mind beginning to work, and a smile coming to my face.  I remember a cross country trip with my Dad, moving all of my Grandma’s stuff from California to Illinois.  Her car pulling a huge U-Haul We broke down before we even got across the boarder to Nevada.  Leaving her stuff behind we continued to our  drive through the Rockies, the Corn Fields of Nebraska, and into the land of Lincoln. What I remember most is my Dad laughing during the trip, and his Chicago tape playing in the background, over and over again (he didn’t care much for my Journey or Kansas tapes).

Its been awhile since I took a trip like that with my kids.  We did the “Surprise drive to Disneyland, next day at Magic Mountain, then back home, Marathon Trip".”  Evan and I did the “Drive through Montana, look for a college trip.”  We went to San Francisco on our “See Katee act, buy pipes, two flat tire, trip.”  And a year ago we did the “In Search of In-And-Out Burgers/Stop at Every Skate Park on the Northern California and Southern Oregon Coast trip.”  But even with those trips, I am finding myself needing to skip town with my kids, to head out on a new adventure for a few days, a week, or a month.  Something edgy like rock climbing, or back backing, or climbing Mount Hood.  Funny that having a song surface in your mind can take you down a path like that.

This Saturday in the Park will be no walk in the park.  The agenda is set.  Our Home Owners Association has graciously purchased a big metal dumpster of the enormous kind, to entice us all to do a yard spring cleaning.  Time to rake up leaves, prune branches, trim the hedge that is out of control, do some weeding, set up the back deck, and figure out what our summer, house to do list, will look like.  If we work hard this weekend, I won’t have to make a dump run this summer (Thanks HOA).  I will be able to sit back and just make sure the yard is watered, the deck is swept, and the Hot Tub stays running.  The smell of steak and chicken will soon be competing with the aroma of my cigars and those who join me in partaking. The cooler on the back deck will be full of an assortment of Oregon Micro Brews.  This one weekend of hard labor will be worth the benefit of relaxing over the next few weekends.  So while it won’t be Saturday In The Park today, I will soon be enjoying Saturday At the Beach, Saturday On a Hike, Saturday In the Mountains, Saturday In Seattle, You name it, I will be trying to do it on a Saturday.  Who knows I may even take one of those wild “Long” Weekend Trips with my kids to a neighborhood near you, because I spent this Saturday, in the yard.  May you use your Saturday wisely.

The Heating of the Hot Tub

I’m smiling again.  Sometimes its the simplest things that do that to me.  Today it is the fact that my hot tub is slowly heating up, getting ready for me to once again dip my toes in, do my “Ouch,ouch. ouch, ouch, its hoooooooootttttttttttt, sit down quick and try to breath, ritual.  I’ve been known to get up when I can’t sleep and sneak in at 3 or 4 in the morning.  I also have gotten up for a quick soak before getting ready for work.  I have been known to answer email on my blackberry, have a deep, intense discussion, or take a little nap, while relaxing in the warmth of my outdoor tub.

From my hot tub life takes on a slightly less stressful look.  It is a place of solitude in my backyard.  I watch birds, listen to music, and make plans for the future while sliding around and enjoying the bubbles.  I often drift back in time to hot tubs in Turtle Rock, Deerfield, the Colony and Northwoods.  Sneaking in and sneaking out made it that much more fun.  I taught a few of my kids to swim in my folks hot tub in Seattle.  Darla and I have talked through hard decisions while sitting in the dark out back and determined plans for the future while heating up to 102 degrees.

I religiously put in the chemicals so my sanctuary is ready for its patrons to come, sit, and partake.  As I get more and more excited my kids are returning from work.  Each one is asking when we will be able to slip on our suits and sink below the surface of the water.  Once again, the family will join together, not around a meal or an event, but around a giant tub that sits in the ground.  It is the simple things that the Sam Fam enjoys, and tonight you will find us in that favorite spot in our backyard.

A Normal Life, or Is It?

As I woke up this morning I felt a sense of relief sweeping over me. I was thinking, things are returning to normal. I don’t feel as stressed about work, Darla and I snuck out for a movie, I slept in until 8 am on a Sunday, Gray is up snowboarding, Katee is heading to work, and things are starting to feel right.  I need to go do the grocery shopping today, and I cleaned the bathroom yesterday so all is good.  I have a small list of around the house items to do, and a couple of bigger projects to consider.  All things considered life is feeling normal.

Then it hit me, “What is Normal?” A few years ago normal was spending the weekend watching soccer games from morning to night, driving all over Oregon to the various games.  It was flying to Florida or Colorado for meetings, it was working downtown, it was planning conferences and raising money. Rewind a little more, and it was watching Cartoons on Saturday morning, or Surfing with friends, figuring out what it meant to be married. What is normal?

Dictionary.com defines Normal as: 

nor·mal  /ˈnɔrməl/ [nawr-muhl] –adjective

1.conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural.

As I read the definition I realized I don’t want a normal life.  I might say I do at times, but I don’t want my life to conform, or be common, to become regular.  I want life to be exciting, to be challenging.  I want my life to be anything but usual.  So why do I spend so much time wishing that things would get back to “Normal?” Why do I sometimes let it become normal? Over the last two months I have gone skiing in Canada, rock climbed at a hidden spot in Lake Oswego, learned to cook beef stroganoff, found a photography class to sign up for, danced at a wedding, fallen in love again with my wife, come close to being fired, become more aware of social issues, and the list goes on and on and on. This is not letting life be normal, this is experiencing life, it is enjoying what comes my way.  I sometimes confuse excitement and living, as being busy.  Sure I sometimes need to slow down and regroup, refuel, but I like life feeling like it is pushing me to new places, new things, new heights.  I want an un-normal life to be normal for me. At least that is what I am thinking this morning, as I sit on the couch i sit on every day, drinking my coffee just like every day, and consider what I will do today just like every day. I AM SO NORMAL.

For a Few More Moments

The sounds of morning are all around me.  The heater is blowing through the vents, an alarm rings somewhere upstairs and is being ignored, the fridge is humming across the kitchen, and Surfs long nails click on the hardwood floor as he paces waiting for someone to feed him.  Outside I can hear birds chirping, I see the squirrels playing on the fence, and I am amazed by the leaves that have overnight appeared on my favorite tree.  I wonder as I sit on the couch, sipping my Americano, why am I in such a hurry to get to work?  What awaits me that someone else can’t deal with. How important is it that I show up right on time, I never leave on time? 
Morning is a time for me to gather my thoughts, run through my schedule, psych myself up, it is a time to center.  It is also a time to take a few last deep breaths, to relax and enjoy a few more unpressured minutes.  I fight the urge to look at the email piling up on my BlackBerry, to flip open the laptop and check the days labor report, to call the Director of Nursing to make sure we have no pressing care issues.  Those things will all be there is 20 minutes.  Right now I am going to enjoy the morning, to smell the coffee, to smile at nothing, for a few more moments. 
I have again been thinking about how to control the pace of life, rather than letting it control me.  I have definitely not been in control these last weeks, or have I?  I determine how much focus to give certain areas.  I decide how much time to spend. I am not being forced to live life the way I do.  I have values, goals, and yes even fears, that guide the decision process I go through, but in the end they are my decision.  Pace has something to do with my enjoyment of life, my ability to see the simple things and not miss them along the way.  Pace affects the depth of my relationships and their richness. If pace has such an impact on life, I need to determine how to master the pace at which I live life.  So for now, I am going to enjoy my morning, for a few more moments.

A Lesson from a Walk

Today I took a walk with a new friend of mine. Her name is Gracie. She isn’t quite 4 feet tall yet, and I am guessing she is 5, maybe 6 years old tops.  We were heading through Cook Park on our way to a Sunrise Easter Service, walking through the trails in the woods.  The air was nice and cool, turning our cheeks red and making our fingers numb.  Her mom and dad we on the trail with us, and all of us were enjoying a change from normal.  As we all walked towards the dock and covered picnic area, Gracie would stop, seeing the smallest of flowers, a natural bird bath, or other detail easily missed  As we continued I started to wonder why I hadn’t seen all the things that Gracie was seeing before?  I walk through Cook Park every week. I quickly rationalized that Gracie is lower to the ground than I am, so it only makes sense that she would see those things and not me.  But as I kept watching her I noticed that it had nothing to do with her height.  It had more to do with her state of mind.  She wasn’t hurried, she wasn’t replaying a conversation from earlier in the morning, she wasn’t worrying what others on the trail might be thinking of her. And because of that she was seeing things that I was missing.  As we kept walking I continued to wonder, how many things was I missing each day because of stress, busyness, deadlines, and other distractions.  What was I walking by without noticing?  Have I missed opportunities to see into the hearts of my kids, when did I last notice the color of Darla’s eyes?  I have been better at noticing what is going on inside of me (thanks to my $90 an hour best friend, but am I missing the things going on all around me? There is a world out there just asking to be discovered.  It has been a while since I have noticed a sunset  or enjoyed the feeling of rain on my face.  This is a great time of year as flowers are blooming, leaves are coming back on the trees, the squirrels are running on our fence.  It is time to start seeing things again. I really want to be more like Gracie, noticing everything that is around me and getting excited by its color, or smell, or sound that it makes, or just being excited that I noticed at all.  Thanks for teaching me something Gracie.