Missteps in Life

As I started my day today, I found myself craving an Americano. There is something about the smell of espresso floating through the house, the first sip brining your taste buds to life, and the world slowly comes back into focus. Anticipating all of this I went to the fridge for the milk that would soften the bitterness of the espresso (I know, how can I truly appreciate the flavor and aroma if I dilute the pure coco bean with milk). I found the shelf for the milk empty and quickly tried to determine who would receive my wrath for not going to the fridge in the garage to get a new gallon. Retrieving my milk, I headed back up the stairs. While my toes made it to the step, my foot did not. I soon found myself, nose first, hitting the sixth step. My shins found the third step in a rather painful way, and various other parts of my body greeted steps four and five. I laid their thinking , “this is a fine way to start what could have been a great day.” Fortunately the milk was saved, and the Americano soon had me forgetting the misstep.

Finishing my coffee and reading my email, I suffered another misstep. While I didn’t fall, slip or trip physically, I did all of these things relationally and emotionally. I was asked to join someone in an activity of importance to them. It was in an area that we had previously negotiated and worked through. However, some time has passed, things had changed, and I found myself feeling stuck in the middle. I wrestled with, “Why wouldn’t they honor our previous thinking?, Hasn’t it been the earlier discussion that has allowed us to function in a healthy way, why would we want to move back to the old way?” I answered with a laugh, and an answer that was not thought through – a misstep. How do I honor my friend and myself at the same time? I was told, “I was asking you as a friend, I was hoping you would want to do it.” My thoughts were, “if you were treating me as a friend you would have thought about the early negotiations.” I really am not good at this stuff, the thinking quick, the being able to hold my ground and say yes to the things I “want” to say yes to, and no to the things I don’t. Instead I waffle and give non answers leaving others stuck with trying to interpret what I am really trying to say. I hate being so conflicted between people pleasing and doing what I need to do for me.

So my misstep has created conflict, frustration, made someone important to me furious. I am not sure how much of it has to do with me not responding like I used to, or me responding in a wrong way. All I know for sure is I would much rather misstep and hit the sixth step with my face, than misstep and hurt the people important to me. Either way, having a misstep hurts. Than again, life is full of missteps. It is how you work through and learn from them that is important. Do we grow and change, or do we get stuck and stay where we are. I am currently all about growth. I just hate that I keep hitting my shins over and over again.