And Then He Was Gone

The earth did not shake, there was no trumpet sound, no sirens, lights, or whistles. He simply breathed his last breath and was gone. Surrounded by his wife and daughters he slipped from this world into the next. He didn't have a suitcase, he didn't ship any of his items ahead, he didn't leave a forwarding address, although we think we know where he might make his new residents. You would think a life of generosity, of hard work, of giving of yourself, would deserve some kind of send off, some celebration, some type of closure. Instead it appears the end is more of a fading light after sunset, the sound of a train whistle growing more faint as it gets farther away. In a moment he was gone and we were left in the room realizing that something significant had just occurred.

The calls are being made, the emails sent, his friends and family are being told, that he is no longer with us. There will be a gathering, a time to remember, to share, to miss. How sad that he will not be there to hear about the difference he made in peoples lives, the lessons he taught his grand kids, the smiles he put on peoples faces. Did people tell him these things while he was here. Does anyone know how many soccer games he sat through, how many concerts he sang in, how many tickets he got in his first fast car? We used to think he was foolish with all the money he donated to different causes, but do we know the impact that had on the lives of others?
Does anyone really know how significant and meaningful he was in the lives of those he came in contact with? Did he know?

In the end, I hope he felt satisfied with how he lived life, that he knew he left a mark on those he came in contact with. That he saw the difference his life made. I hope he was able to take memories with him, an understanding of the part he played in life, and the love of his wife and daughters. We all have our thoughts about what comes next, but what is certain is that this man was here, that he made a difference, and that we will remember him.

My new goal is to let people know the difference they are making, the joy they bring, the love they spread. I want them to know before they fade out or grow faint. We owe each other that much. Wish I would have done a better job of it




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Continuing to Learn

It is Saturday afternoon, and I am enjoying my favorite past time. Reading about things that interest me while smoking a cigar. Many who know me would assume it is the cigar that I enjoy most, but it truly is learning and expanding my knowledge about things that matter that excites me most. While I sit on my patio in 70 degree weather, I am catching up on news, sports, and the many other topics that find their way to my Ipad. Today, the article that has me thinking the most is 10 Lessons I Learned from the End of My Marriage by Lisa Arends.

Before you all make assumptions, I am not thinking of ending my marriage. I was not searching the Internet for articles on Divorce (It was actually Marriage that I was searching on). Rather, with Darla and I learning how to live together, apart, I was looking for insight that could help us stay more connected, more intimate, despite the introduction of miles. I have been wondering what changes will need to occur in my marriage in order for it to become stronger as life changes, careers progress, and we both continue to grow both individually and together. Some of the lessons Lisa talks about are very valuable.

Happiness is My Choice. Lisa talked about telling her husband that "He made her happy." She meant this as a way to tell him how important he was to her. However, she realized, that she was in charge of her own happiness, and that it was unfair to place that burden on her husband. I am a lot like Lisa. I often look to Darla to be the source of my happiness rather than take responsibility for my own. As a result I find myself sitting around waiting for Darla, thinking that a relationship means spending as much time as possible together. I can find myself feeling hurt when Darla makes choices to spend time with her friends or if her plans don't ALWAYS include me. How has a healthier view? It is not fair that I put Darla in a place of being responsible for my happiness. As I am away from home, I have had to do this for myself. And, when I come back home, it is sticking. This is such an important lesson, and one that I need to teach my kids and everyone else who struggles with this.

"Knew" is not the same as "Know". What I took away from this simple point is that we are all changing and growing. My spouse is not the same person she was at 13 when we met, at 20 when we married, at 46 when our oldest got married, or at 50 as I write this. I need to continue to work on getting to know my wife, and letting her know me. We are not the same and it only makes sense that our relationship is growing and changing as well. How awesome to think that our relationship is not stagnant. How sad to think that I often fight to keep it from changing instead of enjoying and anticipating what is unfolding as something different and exciting.

Life is not a Waiting Room. I would like to think that I live in the here and now, enjoying each moment. But I have to admit that I probably spend more time saving, planning, working towards the future. As a result I am missing out on what can be enjoyed each day. I don't want to miss out on life with Darla, by preparing to live life tomorrow. We have no idea of what tomorrow may bring. I need to make the best of today, and that means enjoying both with Darla and when Darla is not with me (and she usually is not with me when I am enjoying a cigar - imagine that).

Holding is out of Love; Clinging is out of Fear. I have been a clinger I am afraid. I can hear Darla telling me that sometimes I am suffocating her. I story it that I want to spend time with her, to be connected, but if I am truly honest, it is because I fear that she might grow tired of me, that I might not be enough for her, that the reason she is pursuing her doctorate is because I can not stimulate her thinking the way she needs. Love truly is about holding the relationship and Darla with an open hand, allowing her to grow and pursue her passions as she allows me to do the same. It is about seeing relationship as something that grows stronger by letting it expand rather than trying to control its direction and outcome.

So, all this to say, I am learning. I am learning more about me than about our relationship. I am seeing at almost 50, I still have a lot to learn. Lisa's article is just another reminder of things I need to work on as I continue to find ways to live my life and my relationship with Darla to the fullest. It also helps me not fear Living Together Apart. I am loving the journey.


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End of Life

Today I find myself pondering life and death. It has a way of sneaking into your thoughts when you are sitting bed side, listening to the slowing breaths, of a man you have known for 37 years.

This man gave me my first job, took my back packing, helped me move, painted my homes, and trusted me with his daughter. His life was full of living, being generous, and loving others. It was also full of painful knees, battling Alzheimer's and in the last year, his own frailty. As I sit next to him I wonder if he feels he lived well, if he has any unfinished business? Are there things he would like to do over or do again? Would he have taken a different career path, stayed home more, or maybe less? Did he answer all the questions he had about life, is he ready for what is next? I would ask him but he is no longer talking, not recognizing, only fighting for each breath. We are no longer counting years, months or days, we are counting hours of a man who has impacted those most important to me, each of my children, my wife, and my self. Thank you!


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A Life of Impact

Today was another day that marks the passing of time. My youngest son, Grady is turning 20. Because of family schedule issues (now that all the kids live out of the house and have their own lives), we decided for a Birthday Brunch. Darla and I made the breakfast, Einstein's provided the bagels and coffee, and everyone else brought their appetites. As we were finishing up, Darla, as she usually does, asked us all to share one thing about Gray we had missed since he moved down to Eugene a year ago. Each one of us shared something unique and different, but there also was a common theme that ran through each story. Each account touched on the way that Gray, in his quick 20 years, had impacted, influenced, changed our lives. I don't think Gray had realized the part he played in each of us, I don't think we realized it until we were sitting there.

As the morning continued I found myself reflecting on the fact that each of us impact others every time we cross paths with someone. Sometimes positively and sometimes negatively. Today the man at Tmobile who felt he had to wait in line to long, and took it out on the kid behind the counter, had a negative impact. The neighbors who all attended my oldest son and his brides open house, had a positive impact. Was my connection to people today more good or bad. Whose attitude was changed because of their encounter with me. How was I changed because of my encounter with them.

I recently came across this quote from Jackie Robinson -

“A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives.”

The more I consider this quote, the more I agree with it. My life should be measured by the impact it has on others, by the difference it makes in those around me. Gray, Happy Birthday and keep impacting those around you.

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Keeping House is Hard

Sure I help out around the house, or at least I thought I did. I clean the bathrooms, I do the grocery shopping, I make the bed when I'm the last one up. I even do the cooking on most nights when we eat in. I'm a huge contributor to the daily operation of the Samuelson household, right? However, I might not have been doing as much as I thought. I would carry the clothes basket down, but Darla would do the laundry, I would watch TV in the family room, but Darla would vacuum the house, on a rare occasion I might get the mail, but Darla would pay the bills. Darla would feed the dog, sweep the floors, dust, wash windows, clean the fridge. I programmed the thermostat, took out the garbage, and took care of the hot tub. Darla took care of her car, I took care of mine. Birthday cakes and entertaining are her realm, decorating and choosing paint color. In fact, even painting falls to her. I have someone do the yard while I smoke cigars and drink beer.

Obviously, with Darla in Spokane this summer, she isn't doing as much around the house. Much of it falls on me. I would have never guessed how much hair falls off the dog and onto the floor. Where does all the dust come from and how does it get in the house? I have found that I hate sorting mail, paying bills and watering the indoor plants (I am now a believer that plants belong outside). I never realized that the cups I take downstairs when watching tv, don't walk themselves to the sink. In short I am realizing that my partner, my roomy, my best friend, does far more than I realized, and I'm afraid to say, but more than I do around here. I have taken a clean house for granted. I have enjoyed not looking at our finances. I didn't even mention her role as activity coordinator, planner of vacation, and promotors of physical and emotional health and well being.

When you live in close proximity it is easy to miss what is happening right in front of you. When things are magically getting done you don't realize the hard work being done by another. But when there is extended time apart, and those other tasks become yours, you notice real fast what you didn't before. I cringe to think of the complaining I do over my small list of contributions, but am becoming so very grateful for all Darla has done over the years. We may need to rethink a few things around here when Darla gets back, I may need to step up a little bit more.

Just another thing I am learning during this summers experiment of living apart.

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“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”
― Mae West

I love this quote! Here is to living life right.


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Conversations

I love to talk, to listen, to be challenged, to debate, to think, to inspire and be inspired, to be with people who are growing and pushing the boundaries they grew up having understood. I like all this when it isn't focused on me and where I am stuck, not growing, not moving forward.

This morning I found myself engaged in one of these conversations, deep and focused on beliefs and ways of doing things that I have bought into, but may not be the best way to view or see life. In the midst of the conversation I kept finding myself wanting to say, "Stop, I like my set ways, I don't want to be aware of different ways, because I might have to change." I had to continually force myself to stay open and engaged to the conversation, to the ideas and concepts being presented, to the possibility of other options, ways of being, paths to take. All of this can seem scary, can seem big, and in someways wrong. Yet, at the same time it can seem exciting, new, right.

I am at a time in my life where I realize some of the ways I have done life are no longer working for me. Living for other people, basing my decisions on what I think will make others happy, or will avoid conflict, is backwards. Conversations help me see this, even when I would rather not. Conversations force me to consider those things I have bought into without really thinking them through. And, if I chose to stay engaged even when it focus on me, I just my grow and change, and find I am better because of it. So if your up for it lets talk.

Below is a poem that was shared with me. Thought I would pass it on to you.



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The Experiment Begins

My wife of almost 29 years, and I, are trying something new. We are experimenting with living in separate states for the next 6 weeks. Doctoral studies require her to be there, my job requires me to be here. Funny thing is we have both been traveling in opposite directions the last 2 weeks, so it isn't new. However, saying good bye yesterday was different. It had more to do with destination. The last two weeks the destination has always been home. Short trips, a few phone calls, and then face to face. This time her destination is someplace else. She will settle in there for awhile, I will stay here. There will be lots of phone calls, some Skype, a few trips along the way for short visits. It all feels very different.
She called at noon yesterday to tell me she was finally on the road. I felt my emotions go flat. Heading home after work was with the realization that there wasn't much to anticipate, except for a waiting dog, who would want to be fed and need a walk. I would be cooking for one, making decisions for one. It feels very different.
At the same time there are a few life issues I want to work out over the next six weeks. I live life very enmeshed, always trying to please others. I often let what I assume they may be thinking sway my decision. It's gotten to the point that I have stopped asking what do I want to do and instead I have been living based on what I think others would want me to do. Over the last I have become increasingly aware of this and am working to change. For the next six weeks it will be just me, to a certain extent, determining what I want to do, to focus on, to invest time in. It feels very different.
It is going to be an interesting experiment. One with an end date. One in which I am trusting that growth will come. In the mean time, I leave in three days to go see where she is hanging out.
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Movies and Life

The other night we found ourselves looking for something to do. Not wanting to spend money, or really even to leave the house we turned to Netflix. Lately this has not been a great way to spend the evening. We spend a half hour looking through movies only to start and realize we have watched it before, or that the movie isn't really a story we are that interested in. However, on this night my wife came armed with a movie that she had heard others talking about. We quickly had the movie on,the lights down and we were treated to an awesome movie,The way. I won't go into all the details except to say, it was about a father who heads to Spain and completes the pilgrimage started by his son, The Road to Santiago, and works through his own personal life issues. There is a theme that runs through the movie, that we all get on the road for different reasons.

During the movie I found myself wondering what I would discover about myself if I were ever to take a pilgrimage and how it might change me. I wondered what my reason for going might be, to find myself, spiritual enlightenment, to connect more closely to God? I even started to think through the logistics, could I ever take a month off, how would I pay my bills, what's holding me back?

In many ways I am on a pilgrimage right now. I may not be in Spain, or walking miles and miles, but I am going through the painful process of walking through life, encountering obstacles, experiencing excitement, noticing growth and change in my life. The difference of doing it at home vs. Spain, is that I am distracted by the many daily things in my life. I don't get to experience the hours of quite reflection while walking. I don't come to the end of my self physically and emotionally. Because my road is often the same scenery every day, I miss seeing the beauty of it. Because those I encounter are often the same, I fail to enjoy them as I might on "the road." Maybe I should walk from time to time, sit and listen, reflect and enjoy. It is not about reaching the destination, it is about what you learn along the way. And, that is what I learned while watching the Sheen family entertain me during the movie. See you at the movies.

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Trust Yourself -part II

"As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Today I am sitting in a coffee shop in Idaho, sipping an Iced Irish Coffee, sneaking glimpses of Darla studying, and reading through a bunch of quotes that I have copied along the way. I have blogged on the quote by Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe before., but it caught my attention again today. Initially I was intrigued by it, could knowing how to live simply be the result of trusting yourself? Surely life is more complex then that. I then found my self becoming frustrated and a bit angry. Who is this author to say that my feelings of not knowing how to live are a result of my not trusting me? He doesn't even know me.

Sensing a growing reaction to a quote, or anything for that matter, usually signals a need for me to take a little deeper look and determine why I might be reacting. Really, what does not trusting myself mean? Do I need to worry that if i am not watching myself closely I might do something that would land me in jail, cost me my job, or get me in trouble with the home owners association? Or could it simply mean that I don't trust myself to know what I need or want, to know what is best for me?
Growing up I somehow began to live by the notion that left to my own wants and desires nothing good could result. The only thing that resides inside man is bad, selfish, sinful, thoughts and wants. When I was eight my Sunday School teacher taught me the heart is deceitful above all else, she couldn't be wrong, could she? As a result I looked for outside entities to think for me, my family, the church, books, the Bible, my wife, after all I couldn't trust myself, not sure why they were better at determining truth for me, but oh well. As I reflect back, I gave others the power to determine what I should pursue for a career, what I should focus on in school, how to do marriage. Left to myself I would do it wrong, selfishly, right? Sadly, this is how I have lived much of my life, and something I still wrestle with daily.
Over the last few years I have been becoming more aware of how messed up this way of thinking is. I am not inherently bad or evil, I prove every day that I am loving and other centered. There is no one better than me to know what I want and need, to understand what is best for me. This is not selfishness and sinful, this is self care and healthy. Trusting myself means believing that I know what I need to grow, to love, to experience life at its fullest, not to be afraid. I may mis-step, but it is trusting that I will recognize it and get it right the next time.
My reaction to the quote is really me being angry with me, for living in slavery to a warped way of thinking for so long, for not being able to figure it out sooner, of missing out on truly living for so long. I an endevouring to trust myself, so that I might truly live.

Worth Waiting For

They say that some things are worth waiting for, and I would have to agree. I have spent the last week anticipate the return of my youngest. He was returning from school to attend a wedding, not really to hangout with the fam. I knew that would be true before he came home and thought I was ready for it. A quick trip, hang out for a short time, grab a bite, see the brothers and sis, check in and move on. We weren't sure when he was coming up, if he would spend a few days or just the night. As the week went on it looked like time would be shorter than longer. On Friday I got the call he would need to be picked up at the bus station around five thirty that evening. As soon as we hung up the clock started to tick slower, the meetings lasted longer and the anticipation brought all things to a stop. In a rush I realized I had been missing him.

I left work early because I couldn't stand waiting. I watched the people walk by looking for him even though I new his bus hadn't arrived yet. Funny the things you do. After an eternity and a few text messages he was there, jumping in the car, looking good with a big smile on his face. As we started towards home he started filling me in on his life, decisions he was making, a relationship he was excited about, work, school, music, and within minutes it felt like everything was right in my life. As we pulled into the driveway and walked into the house, his best buddy, Surf, was waiting for him, waiting to be pet and acknowledged, his mom was waiting too with a big smile and a hug. Quick words and he was out the door to the rehearsal dinner, then to catch up with his siblings. He wasn't sure if he would be home that night or stay over some place else.

In less than an hour life went from full to a little empty, excitement to melancholy. Not sure how it happens so fast, you would think there would be a lasting effect of his being home, if even for a little while. But no, life moves forward even if we feel stuck in sand. While he came home after going out, he was the typical college student and slept in till noon. We went out for lunch, something I know he likes to do, something I wanted to do with him. His sister joined us. I enjoyed just being around him. I couldn't help but think about how he was changing, yet not changing at all. He seemed so independent and confident, yet he had always been that way. Before he left for the wedding he had come home for, he said he would be heading back to school instead of staying a little longer.He had a life together back to,a concert to go to. The time was over as quickly as it had begun. We said our goodbyes, he jumped in the car he was taking back to school, and drove off.

They say something's are worth waiting for, and I would add to that, some things are worth continuing to wait for. I start waiting now for the next time he comes home, even even just for a few hours. It was good to miss him,good to see him, good to know he is missed.


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rick samuelson's photostream

rick samuelson's photostream on Flickr.

As I have been contemplating my life I also go out and take pictures of things that interest me

Living Life

Just being ourselves is the biggest fear we have as humans - Don Miguel Ruiz

As I reflect on life I envision a little boy, running and playing, laughing, being loud, unbound, unhindered, aware only of the sun on his face, the joy inside, his desire to experience, to live. Over time this same boy is told, walk don't run, you should be seen and not heard, you must have goals and focus, you must be responsible, you must take your place in life's drama. As this boy enters manhood he comes to learn that to get ahead, to move forward, to become apart of the human drama, he must play be the rules imposed upon him, to walk in step, to play the part, to drink the kool aide.
Many years ago Steve Taylor wrote a song, "I want to be a Clone." it was a look at how people willingly give in to being like everyone else. We do it to be accepted, to fit in. We do it to avoid conflict. We do it because that is what is expected in this world. And, as we become what it is we are told to become by religion, school, work, family, culture, and the world t large, we lose a little bit of ourselves along the way. We lose the wonder, the desire to run and jump, laugh and sing, to explore and experience, to learn and to live.
When did pleasing others become more important than personal happiness and well being. When did taking care of yourself become the sin of selfishness. When did the voice of others and their system of belief become more important than our own voice and coming to our own beliefs.
We have forgotten who we are, we no longer know or recognize ourselves, to be ourselves means breaking free from what we have become, slaves to what others think and believe, prisoners to expectations that belong to others that we have somehow adopted, trapped to the beat of a drum we are not drumming. My greatest fear is truly being myself. That's not true, my greatest fear is trying to be myself and realizing I have no idea who I really am.
To know myself, to be myself and to live as myself is my greatest goal at this time in my life. I trust you know who you are.
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The Four Agreements

In my ongoing quest to figure life out, I while occasionally pick up a book to read. Recently a friend of mine (thank's Cole Mack) sent me a book saying it had made a profound impact on how he lives, or attempts to live, his life. Being a sucker for free, I picked it up and started reading. In "The Four Agreements," author Don Miguel Ruiz walks through some basic ancient Toltec beliefs. The premise is that each of us have bought into self limiting beliefs, or dreams, that keep us from experiencing life as it is meant to be lived. As we go through life we make agreements (internal) to live by these self limiting beliefs, often without even realizing it. However, we also have the ability to make new agreements that can help break us free of these wrong beliefs or ways of thinking.

Having quickly read the book in three days, I have already started to apply The Four Agreements, and am finding I do not have to be bound by the rules I have for so long played by. There is much to learn from Toltec beliefs. I am awesome, as I am. Thanks Cole for passing this one on. If you have read the book, please share your thought. I am just starting to apply it




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Portland MS Walk 2012

This year I have joined up with friends and family to participate in the MS Walk. On April 14th, thirty of us from Avamere Rehab of King City will be making a difference by raising money to defeat MS. You can view my Personal Web Sight by clicking this link. You can join us by making a small donation.

Thanks for your help


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The Story of Our Lives

I came across the video below as i was processing some issues in my life. The video is short and simple, and looks at the story that each of us create with our lives. It finishes by asking the simple question -Did you enjoy your story? By that I take it to mean the story of our own life. It seems like there is much in life that is unenjoyable. Should our goal be to enjoy as much as possible, and what do we do with those things that keep us from enjoying, or cause pain, do we discard them and remove them from our lives? These are some of the questions I am thinking through today.

A Story of Tomorrow
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Looking for Happiness

"People spend a lifetime searching for happiness;
looking for peace.
They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions,
even other people,
hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them.
The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within."
~Ramona L. Anderson (1887-1949)American writer

As I was playing around on my IPad the other day, wasting time and trying to at least feel productive, I came across a post in Facebook from a friend of mine Mitch. I don't know if it was the great sunset in his profile picture or the fact that the post was from someone I find interesting, but I quit flicking my finger long enough to read the quote by Ramona Anderson.

I have to tell you, I hate it when a quote speaks into my life and this one definitely did. It got me thinking about my pursuits and the reasons for them. It started me questioning why I involve myself in certain things or behaviors. Is it truly a pursuit of happiness, or drilling down a little deeper, is it my attempt to make myself feel good, or, not feel bad? Why do I hangout with people, watch movies, work so hard, drink, smoke cigars, etc... Is it to try to make myself feel good, feel important, escape feeling lonely, insignificant, unloved or unlovable? Why is it that I define happiness based on external things like number of Facebook friends I have, how many nights I am out of the house, my job title, the car I drive, how many people I make laugh or smile? These aren't bad things, but if they are what I base happiness on, I will start out each morning having to score happiness point in order to define myself as happy for that day. How miserable to start each morning as unhappy, and have to work towards happiness, and who defines how many points you must score to be happy.

Ramona suggests that happiness is not externally driven, but internally based. I have to be honest, I have a hard time with this thinking. I don't always like to look inside and "cultivate the soul, or practice self care, or tend to the issues within." isn't that for introverts, not extroverts. That's the stuff of Psychologists, HR managers, etc... Those who are CEO's or oversee large groups of people, or must out perform the world everyday of the week, can't look inside. I don't know how to define happiness internally. Is it a feeling? I was told feelings aren't always reality. Is it a inner voice? I was told that could be the voices of past fear and doubt, or my elementary school teacher telling me I wasn't coordinated (thanks Mrs. Smith). But it does make more sense that happiness is a state of being rather than an endless pursuit. It is something you know instead of a destination on a map.

Obviously, I have no answers only thought, and that is what looking inward is all about for me. If you have any thoughts or input please add it to my blog or Facebook. May you experience happiness today. I am going to the Brewfest to contemplate.


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Life

What is life, if not a series of relationships that bring smiles, tears, laughter, pain, growth and a richness and depth. It's relationships that help you see yourself rightly, challenge you to grow, and force you to think in ways you normally wouldn't. Life truly is an unpredictable ride. But, I don't think I would have it any other way.


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Quote For Sunday - Thoughts on Happiness

“Happiness is not the absence of problems, it's the ability to deal with them.”
― Steve Maraboli

As I think about happiness, I find that I want to define it as only good and never bad. Happiness should only be about positive experiences, up lifting friendships, successes and triumphs. Problems should have no place in happiness, right? Unfortunately, my limited view of happiness means I am destined to a life of unhappiness, for every day brings problems and issues, pain and sorrow, the unpleasant and the unwanted. If my definition were to stand, life will be a most unhappy experience.




Bring on today's quote and the equation changes. It is not about the experience but how I walk through it, it is not about the situation, but my response. I am reminded of other sayings, "life is what you make it," or " when life gives you lemons, make lemon aide." once again I come face to face with the realization, we are not victims. We choose each day how we will think and respond to all that life throws at us. We decide how we are going to deal with the things we face. Sit in the dark and wallow in self pity, or get up and tackle life.

Happiness is not the absence of problems. That is a profound and very deep thought. It is the ability to deal with them. And I would add to that, the ability to deal with them well.



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Some Quotes you just have to think about

“People tend to complicate their own lives, as if living weren't already complicated enough.”
― Carlos Ruiz Zafón, The Shadow of the Wind

I don't know this author, and I haven't ever read his book, but this quote I came across really hit me today. Why is it that we tend to make life more complex than it is. We read into things others say, we interpret glances to mean what they don't, we strive for things we shouldn't, and we get discouraged when we don't reach goals that are unattainable. We give opinions that aren't asked for, we give advice that causes more harm than good, we fail to enjoy what is right in front of us. Should life be simple? Should each day be enjoyed? Each day starts out new, with fresh possibilities and new experiences. Why complicate it by trying to make more of it? Why drag the past forward. Today does not have to be complicated, it just needs to be lived. It will be complicated enough without help from me.


Just a deep thought to start my weekend


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Thoughts on Leadership

If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader. John Quincy Adams

This is a great reminder of what my role as a leader is really all about. It is simply about helping others be their best


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Feel Stuck

I find myself in a strange spot. The sun is shining but life seems foggy. I'm working out each day but I have no energy. I'm working hard but accomplishing little.
When I get this way I start thinking about change. I don't know if it is change in location, change in job, or what the needed change is? I just know that something is off. Could be a few weeks away would do the trick. I can envision time at the beach or up in the mountains. Not sure how to make it happen, how to change my outlook.
Key for me is feeling connected in my relationships, being successful at work and moving forward in life. At the moment each of those areas feels stuck. That's what I need to focus on changing. Let me know what your thinking about. I always learn from others.
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It's You're Life

I came across a picture today that really sums up my thinking this last week. As I have been wrestling with who I am and how I want to live my life, I continue to come face to face with my need to own my own stuff. Who would have thought an ad campaign for a clothing company would speak into my life. But, I was struck. The company is Holstee click on the name to learn more. They wanted to do more than sell clothing, the wanted to promote a lifestyle.

Here is the picture. Let me know your thoughts. As always, I am trying to take time to take a Deep Look Inward.




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Looking into the Mirror

"The most difficult phase of life is not when no one understands you, it is when you don't understand yourself" ~Anonymous

Over the last few weeks I have been spending a bit of time in personal reflection. The problem is the more I look into the mirror, the less I like what I see. In the past if that would happen I would simply shut my eyes and move on. However, that is not working so well for me these days. So I am back to taking a deep look inward after taking a bit of time off. Only this time I am likely to go deeper and battle more, than ever before. It is starting with the simple truth that the only one truly responsible for who I am, who I've become, is me. The devil didn't make me do it, my parents didn't force me, each step that brought me to this point and time, good or bad, was a step, a choice, a decision I made. I am responsible for all the good, bad and ugly. And, from that step of taking responsibility for me, I will look into the mirror, embrace the good, change the bad, and work towards beauty. Time to go look at my reflection. - Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Thank you Oregon Duck's

The Oregon Ducks are the Rose Bowl Champions. Thanks for a great year.







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Life Stops When the Ducks Play

Go Oregon


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Little Things

Sometimes it's the little things that mean the most. A simple smile, a kiss on the neck, a text message from one of your kids, an excited phone call, can make all the difference. These have all happened to me this last week, a friend, my wife, my son and my daughter. They don't know what those simple little things did to lift my spirits, let me know I matter, to let me see I am loved. But each of these little things made a profound difference on me. I hope you experience a simple thing today, it is something to look forward to.


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Preparing to Live Well

One things is for sure, life keeps happening, with or without our permission.

Most of life we can't control. What I can control is how I how i prepare for life, and how I respond to it. Everyday I work with people who have been thrown a curve ball related to their health and finances. Some seem to weather it well and continue living despite what they have encountered. These people did some internal work before life struck a blow and weren't rocked by the change of their situation. Others, seem surprised by their change in circumstance, and are unable to cope. Depression, bitterness, hopelessness, seem to follow.

I obviously know how I want to respond. I guess that means I need to start the prep work so I can handle what life throws at me, be it health, finances, work, relationships, etc... Making my choice now for a better tomorrow.


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Playing the Game - Buying A Car

We've done it! Darla and i have finally accomplished our goal of paying off our cars. It feels great to not have a payment, to know you are capable of doing what you set out to do. So how do we want to celebrate? By buying a car of course.

Two nights ago Darla and I were driving past car lots in Beaverton when we drove past a shinny, gray, convertible. If you have read any of my past blogs you know I have always wanted a Circle Car. A Circle car is of course a car with a circle emblem. Audi's, BMW's, Mercedes are all circle cars. We circled back to see what it was. I have been secretly wanting a Mercedes SLK350 convertible, or an Audi convertible. What we saw was something I had not considered. Pulling into the lot I came face to face with a Nissan 350Z convertible roadster. It was used, but i was definitely intrigued. To my surprise Nissan is a circle car. I walked around it once, I walked around again. The lines of the car were beautiful. Darla, smiling at me said, you have to drive it. As I was about to go in, the sales guy came out, and that is when the game began.

Abdul came towards me with a huge smile, "You like, it's a beauty." he sensed he had a fish on the line, and that fish was me. The car had only just gotten to the lot a few days before, it was sure to go fast. He went to get the keys and Darla parked our car. As Darla got in the 350Z there were the comments on how much nicer the car looked with her in it. I of course was thankful it was only a two seater and only Darla and I could fit. As I turned the key the engine roared to life. Abdul said something about a high performance package and we drove off. Wow, wind in my hair, power in my hands, and smile on my face. We zipped around turns, exploded off the line with each green light, then we started to recognize the rattles and squeaks that come with a used car. Returning to the lot I explained to Abdul that while I liked it, this was not the car. He then smiled even bigger and said he had two brand new ones out back that were only $3000 more. Like lambs to the slaughter we followed. It was white with a black top. 6 speed automatic, a 370Z convertible. This was a driving experience. Darla and I giggled as we drove. I envisioned a race track as I worked through the gears. No rattles, no squeaks, this could be it. Back to the lot, and it was time to be reeled in.

Abdul was waiting, he could tell "we liked." As we walked back in, he said, "which do you like better, the black or the white?" "The white one of course," came rolling of my lips. "Cash, or do you want me to finance for you?" He was good, leading me right down the path towards a close. I new the next question would be, how can we help you take this car home tonight, and on cue, that is what came out of Abdul's mouth. I gave him my, this is the first stop, we weren't planning tonight response, and let him know I was interested in what it would cost me monthly. Yep, I gave away the first point. Abdul now knows I don't care how much the car costs, only what the payment will be. And, Abdul zeros in, "What are you hoping for?" My reply was the simple, not sure just wanting a ball park. We gave him the stuff he needed and then he brought out Corry, the finance guy.

If Abdul was good, Corry was better. He was smooth and calculating. He didn't mind those long periods of silence designed to make you sweat and give in. He once again started to work on our monthly range, and got us to bite. He wasn't sure if he could swing it but he would try. He came back with numbers and term lengths. Darla was firm, she was set on the amount and no more than 72 months. Corry left to talk to the unseen manager to see what he could do. Back again, but still not at our spot. It was then that we noticed we were working with a higher price for the car then the one Abdul quoted. We were told that was a special price that ended on July 31, we just missed it, bummer. He went to see once again if they could flex, and again came back a little closer. Would we go with 78, or 80 month terms? We were only $24 per month off that way. We said no, and that we would be more excited to be $24 off in our favor. We got up, thanked them for their time, and headed back to the car.

Yesterday morning I got on line and was surprised to see the very car, listed at the price Abdul originally gave us. I sent a quick email to Abdul and told him how close we had been, and if the had used the right starting price we would have bought last night. I also said but since the had been willing to drop $5k off the price we were negotiating last night I might come in for a $4k reduction off the current price. Last night, Scott the sales manager left me a message stating he had good news. I'll call today to see what the news is. What a Game.



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A Thought for Today

“There’s no next time. It’s now or never.”


Came across this quote today, and it got me thinking of the invites I got from my kids this weekend. It was the Portland Brew Festival this weekend, and with older kids, they called and asked if I wanted to go with them. Work was also needing my attention and that is where I ended up going. My logic, there will be plenty of chances to hang with my kids. However, as I read this quote, I am realizing my kids were not asking me to "Go to Brew Festival," they were really saying, "Dad, we want to spend time with you, Dad we saw this event and you came to mind, Dad, we want to invest some of our weekend in you.". I wish I would have read this quote yesterday. I would have gone with them. How cool to be thought of by your kids. I blew it yesterday. Need to change how I think. “There’s no next time. It’s now or never.”


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Deep Thought

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”
- Dr Wayne Dyer


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Connection

Over the last few days I have been asking the question, "What is most important to me?" There are lots of things that come to mind, family, health, a good job, friends, being productive, making a difference, to name a few. But as I kept wrestling with that question, I found myself slowly zeroing in on the answer.

This morning I got a phone call from Darla, out at Gonzaga where she is working on her Doctorate. She is only gone two nights at a time (I know some of you say no big deal, as you travel more than that), but her call put a huge smile on my face and set the tone for the entire day. As I got to work, my first meeting was with my department heads. Today was up beat and there was a real sense of team as we talked through issues of life and the tasks for the day. At 1:30 pm, I headed out for a late lunch, and met up with a friend I hadn't seen in 18 years (thank you LinkIn for the reconnect). As we talked about our journey's and our families, I couldn't help but think about the good times of days past. Tonight as I jumped in the care I got a call from Gray (my youngest), he wondered what my plans were, and if I wanted to go out to dinner with Evan and him (yes, I paid but that's beside the point). In addition there were phone calls, conversations, and invitations. As I looked at all these things, I realized that what I desire and value most, is CONNECTION. Connection is why I blog, why I Facebook, why I call my family, and what motivates me to do what I do. For me, to not be connected to others would be my definition of death. Connection is what I live for.

As I think of people I admire, and those I don't, those who are happy and those who aren't, in my thinking it always has to do with connection. I'm not sure if others feel the same, but as I take a deep look inward this is what is true of me. As I keep moving forward in life, the extent of my happiness will not be due to how much I have, or what I make, it has been and will always be based on how connected I feel to others and the world around me. Let's get together soon.


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What's In A Sunset

Tonight I find myself sitting on my back deck. I love it when it starts to cool off, and the clouds reflect the sun as it is setting. The boys are out on a walk, and Darla is again in Spokane. It is nights like this, with a good cigar that your able to take a moment to slow down and reflect, to think, to ponder (never thought I'd use that word in a sentence). With the pressure at work and the speed at which life is moving, I don't do this enough these days.

Having watched the clouds I can't help wonder what my life is reflecting to others. I don't think it has been the pretty colors of a sunset, or the excitement of a good conversation with a friend from days gone by (thanks Marna). I know it isn't the feeling of riding a great wave that people are seeing in me (I haven't gotten wet yet this summer). Instead, I am afraid it has been the tension that comes from working hard but feeling like you aren't accomplishing much, or the sense that there is a lack of balance in life at the moment. Perhaps it is the fear that I am prioritizing the wrong things and that I will soon wake up realizing I missed what is most important. Funny how a sunset can make you think about these kinds of things.

The sun is now gone and the clouds have gone back to drifting slowly into the dark. I do know that I don't want to drift aimlessly, but rather soar with purpose. In the morning I'll have to come back out and look for a bird or airplane to take my thoughts that direction. For now, I'll just contemplate on what I reflect to those around me, and trust that like the sunset, I can put a smile on those around me.



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