Conversations

I love to talk, to listen, to be challenged, to debate, to think, to inspire and be inspired, to be with people who are growing and pushing the boundaries they grew up having understood. I like all this when it isn't focused on me and where I am stuck, not growing, not moving forward.

This morning I found myself engaged in one of these conversations, deep and focused on beliefs and ways of doing things that I have bought into, but may not be the best way to view or see life. In the midst of the conversation I kept finding myself wanting to say, "Stop, I like my set ways, I don't want to be aware of different ways, because I might have to change." I had to continually force myself to stay open and engaged to the conversation, to the ideas and concepts being presented, to the possibility of other options, ways of being, paths to take. All of this can seem scary, can seem big, and in someways wrong. Yet, at the same time it can seem exciting, new, right.

I am at a time in my life where I realize some of the ways I have done life are no longer working for me. Living for other people, basing my decisions on what I think will make others happy, or will avoid conflict, is backwards. Conversations help me see this, even when I would rather not. Conversations force me to consider those things I have bought into without really thinking them through. And, if I chose to stay engaged even when it focus on me, I just my grow and change, and find I am better because of it. So if your up for it lets talk.

Below is a poem that was shared with me. Thought I would pass it on to you.



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The Experiment Begins

My wife of almost 29 years, and I, are trying something new. We are experimenting with living in separate states for the next 6 weeks. Doctoral studies require her to be there, my job requires me to be here. Funny thing is we have both been traveling in opposite directions the last 2 weeks, so it isn't new. However, saying good bye yesterday was different. It had more to do with destination. The last two weeks the destination has always been home. Short trips, a few phone calls, and then face to face. This time her destination is someplace else. She will settle in there for awhile, I will stay here. There will be lots of phone calls, some Skype, a few trips along the way for short visits. It all feels very different.
She called at noon yesterday to tell me she was finally on the road. I felt my emotions go flat. Heading home after work was with the realization that there wasn't much to anticipate, except for a waiting dog, who would want to be fed and need a walk. I would be cooking for one, making decisions for one. It feels very different.
At the same time there are a few life issues I want to work out over the next six weeks. I live life very enmeshed, always trying to please others. I often let what I assume they may be thinking sway my decision. It's gotten to the point that I have stopped asking what do I want to do and instead I have been living based on what I think others would want me to do. Over the last I have become increasingly aware of this and am working to change. For the next six weeks it will be just me, to a certain extent, determining what I want to do, to focus on, to invest time in. It feels very different.
It is going to be an interesting experiment. One with an end date. One in which I am trusting that growth will come. In the mean time, I leave in three days to go see where she is hanging out.
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The Story of Our Lives

I came across the video below as i was processing some issues in my life. The video is short and simple, and looks at the story that each of us create with our lives. It finishes by asking the simple question -Did you enjoy your story? By that I take it to mean the story of our own life. It seems like there is much in life that is unenjoyable. Should our goal be to enjoy as much as possible, and what do we do with those things that keep us from enjoying, or cause pain, do we discard them and remove them from our lives? These are some of the questions I am thinking through today.

A Story of Tomorrow
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Thoughts on Leadership

If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader. John Quincy Adams

This is a great reminder of what my role as a leader is really all about. It is simply about helping others be their best


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Preparing to Live Well

One things is for sure, life keeps happening, with or without our permission.

Most of life we can't control. What I can control is how I how i prepare for life, and how I respond to it. Everyday I work with people who have been thrown a curve ball related to their health and finances. Some seem to weather it well and continue living despite what they have encountered. These people did some internal work before life struck a blow and weren't rocked by the change of their situation. Others, seem surprised by their change in circumstance, and are unable to cope. Depression, bitterness, hopelessness, seem to follow.

I obviously know how I want to respond. I guess that means I need to start the prep work so I can handle what life throws at me, be it health, finances, work, relationships, etc... Making my choice now for a better tomorrow.


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A Thought for Today

“There’s no next time. It’s now or never.”


Came across this quote today, and it got me thinking of the invites I got from my kids this weekend. It was the Portland Brew Festival this weekend, and with older kids, they called and asked if I wanted to go with them. Work was also needing my attention and that is where I ended up going. My logic, there will be plenty of chances to hang with my kids. However, as I read this quote, I am realizing my kids were not asking me to "Go to Brew Festival," they were really saying, "Dad, we want to spend time with you, Dad we saw this event and you came to mind, Dad, we want to invest some of our weekend in you.". I wish I would have read this quote yesterday. I would have gone with them. How cool to be thought of by your kids. I blew it yesterday. Need to change how I think. “There’s no next time. It’s now or never.”


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Back From The Beach - a Video Blog

Procrastination - Is it a flaw? I don't think so.

Not sure what I was thinking. I have put it off as long as I possibly can. I feel the walls pressing in. The calendar is a constant reminder that I have let things slip, and now I am slowly going into panic mode. A year ago I was in the same place, and I swore I would not let it happen again, and yet, it has happened. In college I needed the due date to motivate me to write the paper or start studying for the test. So I have my due date. I am staring December 25th right in the eye. A year ago I had to leave work early on the 24th to find that one last present. I swear the clerk at the mall remembered me from the year before. And here I am again.

So what is it about me that is putting it off to the last minute. I truly am not motivated for Christmas. As a family we have tried to step away from commercialism. But Christmas is not the only area in my life this happens in. The garage door spring has been sprung for over a year and I have not called to get someone in to fix it. I drained the hot tub last week. I still have not refilled it. I need to go grocery shopping but do not want to make a list. The oil in the car needs changing, and on and on and on it goes. Part of me says, "I have had to be responsible for my things and others long enough, I am done." I would rather downsize then be fixing things, replacing things, spending on things. This is a chronic issue for me.

I put off losing weight, I had to put all my bills on bill payer or I would not have gotten them paid. At the core, I long for something different. I have people calling on me all week long, I want a place that does not require anything of me. I want to shut down for a while. I am not sure if it is a wrong thing to feel this way. The reality is this is who I am. I can put things in place that allow me to function and get what I need, despite this part of my character, or I can change. I have the choice to paint my house or pay someone else to do it. I can grocery shop or eat out. Once again it comes down to being ok with myself. Are you ok with you? Keep on Battling.