Conversations

I love to talk, to listen, to be challenged, to debate, to think, to inspire and be inspired, to be with people who are growing and pushing the boundaries they grew up having understood. I like all this when it isn't focused on me and where I am stuck, not growing, not moving forward.

This morning I found myself engaged in one of these conversations, deep and focused on beliefs and ways of doing things that I have bought into, but may not be the best way to view or see life. In the midst of the conversation I kept finding myself wanting to say, "Stop, I like my set ways, I don't want to be aware of different ways, because I might have to change." I had to continually force myself to stay open and engaged to the conversation, to the ideas and concepts being presented, to the possibility of other options, ways of being, paths to take. All of this can seem scary, can seem big, and in someways wrong. Yet, at the same time it can seem exciting, new, right.

I am at a time in my life where I realize some of the ways I have done life are no longer working for me. Living for other people, basing my decisions on what I think will make others happy, or will avoid conflict, is backwards. Conversations help me see this, even when I would rather not. Conversations force me to consider those things I have bought into without really thinking them through. And, if I chose to stay engaged even when it focus on me, I just my grow and change, and find I am better because of it. So if your up for it lets talk.

Below is a poem that was shared with me. Thought I would pass it on to you.



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The Experiment Begins

My wife of almost 29 years, and I, are trying something new. We are experimenting with living in separate states for the next 6 weeks. Doctoral studies require her to be there, my job requires me to be here. Funny thing is we have both been traveling in opposite directions the last 2 weeks, so it isn't new. However, saying good bye yesterday was different. It had more to do with destination. The last two weeks the destination has always been home. Short trips, a few phone calls, and then face to face. This time her destination is someplace else. She will settle in there for awhile, I will stay here. There will be lots of phone calls, some Skype, a few trips along the way for short visits. It all feels very different.
She called at noon yesterday to tell me she was finally on the road. I felt my emotions go flat. Heading home after work was with the realization that there wasn't much to anticipate, except for a waiting dog, who would want to be fed and need a walk. I would be cooking for one, making decisions for one. It feels very different.
At the same time there are a few life issues I want to work out over the next six weeks. I live life very enmeshed, always trying to please others. I often let what I assume they may be thinking sway my decision. It's gotten to the point that I have stopped asking what do I want to do and instead I have been living based on what I think others would want me to do. Over the last I have become increasingly aware of this and am working to change. For the next six weeks it will be just me, to a certain extent, determining what I want to do, to focus on, to invest time in. It feels very different.
It is going to be an interesting experiment. One with an end date. One in which I am trusting that growth will come. In the mean time, I leave in three days to go see where she is hanging out.
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The Story of Our Lives

I came across the video below as i was processing some issues in my life. The video is short and simple, and looks at the story that each of us create with our lives. It finishes by asking the simple question -Did you enjoy your story? By that I take it to mean the story of our own life. It seems like there is much in life that is unenjoyable. Should our goal be to enjoy as much as possible, and what do we do with those things that keep us from enjoying, or cause pain, do we discard them and remove them from our lives? These are some of the questions I am thinking through today.

A Story of Tomorrow
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Looking for Happiness

"People spend a lifetime searching for happiness;
looking for peace.
They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions,
even other people,
hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them.
The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within."
~Ramona L. Anderson (1887-1949)American writer

As I was playing around on my IPad the other day, wasting time and trying to at least feel productive, I came across a post in Facebook from a friend of mine Mitch. I don't know if it was the great sunset in his profile picture or the fact that the post was from someone I find interesting, but I quit flicking my finger long enough to read the quote by Ramona Anderson.

I have to tell you, I hate it when a quote speaks into my life and this one definitely did. It got me thinking about my pursuits and the reasons for them. It started me questioning why I involve myself in certain things or behaviors. Is it truly a pursuit of happiness, or drilling down a little deeper, is it my attempt to make myself feel good, or, not feel bad? Why do I hangout with people, watch movies, work so hard, drink, smoke cigars, etc... Is it to try to make myself feel good, feel important, escape feeling lonely, insignificant, unloved or unlovable? Why is it that I define happiness based on external things like number of Facebook friends I have, how many nights I am out of the house, my job title, the car I drive, how many people I make laugh or smile? These aren't bad things, but if they are what I base happiness on, I will start out each morning having to score happiness point in order to define myself as happy for that day. How miserable to start each morning as unhappy, and have to work towards happiness, and who defines how many points you must score to be happy.

Ramona suggests that happiness is not externally driven, but internally based. I have to be honest, I have a hard time with this thinking. I don't always like to look inside and "cultivate the soul, or practice self care, or tend to the issues within." isn't that for introverts, not extroverts. That's the stuff of Psychologists, HR managers, etc... Those who are CEO's or oversee large groups of people, or must out perform the world everyday of the week, can't look inside. I don't know how to define happiness internally. Is it a feeling? I was told feelings aren't always reality. Is it a inner voice? I was told that could be the voices of past fear and doubt, or my elementary school teacher telling me I wasn't coordinated (thanks Mrs. Smith). But it does make more sense that happiness is a state of being rather than an endless pursuit. It is something you know instead of a destination on a map.

Obviously, I have no answers only thought, and that is what looking inward is all about for me. If you have any thoughts or input please add it to my blog or Facebook. May you experience happiness today. I am going to the Brewfest to contemplate.


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Preparing to Live Well

One things is for sure, life keeps happening, with or without our permission.

Most of life we can't control. What I can control is how I how i prepare for life, and how I respond to it. Everyday I work with people who have been thrown a curve ball related to their health and finances. Some seem to weather it well and continue living despite what they have encountered. These people did some internal work before life struck a blow and weren't rocked by the change of their situation. Others, seem surprised by their change in circumstance, and are unable to cope. Depression, bitterness, hopelessness, seem to follow.

I obviously know how I want to respond. I guess that means I need to start the prep work so I can handle what life throws at me, be it health, finances, work, relationships, etc... Making my choice now for a better tomorrow.


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A Thought for Today

“There’s no next time. It’s now or never.”


Came across this quote today, and it got me thinking of the invites I got from my kids this weekend. It was the Portland Brew Festival this weekend, and with older kids, they called and asked if I wanted to go with them. Work was also needing my attention and that is where I ended up going. My logic, there will be plenty of chances to hang with my kids. However, as I read this quote, I am realizing my kids were not asking me to "Go to Brew Festival," they were really saying, "Dad, we want to spend time with you, Dad we saw this event and you came to mind, Dad, we want to invest some of our weekend in you.". I wish I would have read this quote yesterday. I would have gone with them. How cool to be thought of by your kids. I blew it yesterday. Need to change how I think. “There’s no next time. It’s now or never.”


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Dreaming Away

Sometimes the battle isn't to lose weight, or to get stronger, sometimes it's about doing your best to stay engaged. To stay engaged in relationship, to stay engaged in the job, to stay in community, to stay with the task. At times I find myself thinking more about change, maybe a new car, a new house, a new place to live. Perhaps it's a new job. The battle is about staying with it at times.

Sure dreaming is good. It can actually help spur on creativity and new ideas. But it can also be dangerous, causing you to check out, to disengage, to loose focus because your focus has shifted. I'm not sure how to fight it, or even if I should. I think it is most important to just acknowledge it and the impact it can have. For me dreaming is part of living. But living also has to do with sticking with it when things get hard or tough. Today however, I am dreaming of the warm beach, of winning the lottery, and of new challenging adventures. Tomorrow, I will be back at work Battling On.


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