Tonight I find myself sitting on my back deck. I love it when it starts to cool off, and the clouds reflect the sun as it is setting. The boys are out on a walk, and Darla is again in Spokane. It is nights like this, with a good cigar that your able to take a moment to slow down and reflect, to think, to ponder (never thought I'd use that word in a sentence). With the pressure at work and the speed at which life is moving, I don't do this enough these days.
Having watched the clouds I can't help wonder what my life is reflecting to others. I don't think it has been the pretty colors of a sunset, or the excitement of a good conversation with a friend from days gone by (thanks Marna). I know it isn't the feeling of riding a great wave that people are seeing in me (I haven't gotten wet yet this summer). Instead, I am afraid it has been the tension that comes from working hard but feeling like you aren't accomplishing much, or the sense that there is a lack of balance in life at the moment. Perhaps it is the fear that I am prioritizing the wrong things and that I will soon wake up realizing I missed what is most important. Funny how a sunset can make you think about these kinds of things.
The sun is now gone and the clouds have gone back to drifting slowly into the dark. I do know that I don't want to drift aimlessly, but rather soar with purpose. In the morning I'll have to come back out and look for a bird or airplane to take my thoughts that direction. For now, I'll just contemplate on what I reflect to those around me, and trust that like the sunset, I can put a smile on those around me.
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