Ain’t no Substitution for the Real Thing

A few months back, Darla and I found ourselves in a Bed and Breakfast in Tyler Texas. We were there to celebrate our daughters graduation and bring her back home to start life. Next to our bed was a little gadget that reproduced certain sounds to help us fall asleep and keep us from hearing the other guests and traffic noise. We had the tropical rain forest, we had something with crickets, and there was the ocean. If you listened closely it would repeat itself, the waves would crash the same way over and over and over again. Today as I was walking along the water I couldn’t help but think “There Ain’t No Substitution For The Real Thing.” I was caught up by the sound of the waves, and how there was no wave that sounded the same. It was therapeutic and real. The same is true of the New Coke vs. Old Coke, Equal vs Sugar, Miracle Whip vs Mayonnaise, substitutes just don’t cut it. I hate skiing on artificial snow and will never put up a fake Christmas Tree. I once used Quick Tan instead of waiting for the Sun to bake me brown, and instead turned myself a funny shade of orange. Their ain’t no substitution for the real thing. I could continue the list down many different paths, but you get the idea.

Yesterday, Darla and I were experiencing day two of our mini vacation. We have found that we often need two days to get through all of the catch up talk, before getting to the real conversation. Real conversation is conversation that takes place at a heart level. It has to do with what is really going on within. It is were there is real sharing. Sometimes it hurts to say what your saying, sometimes it hurts to hear what is being said, but it is where real communication takes place, and there ain’t no substitution. When it occurs you know it.

In yesterdays, real conversation, we were discussing our life. Twenty-six years of being together, thirty years of being in love, thirty-four years of being friends. We were talking about knowing ourselves and trying to be who we are, who we were meant to be. We touched on so many different things, our struggles to get life right, my people pleasing tendencies, and my feelings that I had let Darla down by not becoming who I thought she wanted me to become. To be fair to Darla, what I just wrote and want you to hear is, “who I thought she wanted me to become,” and not, what she had told me she wanted me to become. As I finished, she looked at me and said, “I fell in love with you as the High Schooler, trying to figure things out. The one who was trying things, experimenting, learning. Not this spiritual, have it all together, know what’s up with life guy.” In that moment, I was hit with a life altering,truth. Darla has always loved me for who I am, not who I am becoming. I don’t have to try and please her, or be something I think she wants me to be. She already loves me. What an incredibly freeing truth. When I drink, she loves me. When I act stupid, she loves me. When I trip over the stuff of life, she still loves me. She may not always like me, but she loves me. What more could I ask for.

I am not sure how many of you will see this as something profound. If you know me and understand all that I struggle with in my life, you will know this is huge. I don't have to hide things, and can just be me. That is who I was when Darla fell in love with me. I can go on continuing to find out who I am, not trying to be who I’m not.

For Darla and I a two day trip never works. Three is a minimum and four is better. There is no substitution for the Ocean, and none for real conversation. There is absolutely no substitution for Darla’s love in my life. May you experience the real thing