Looking Backwards, Looking Forwards

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Often times I forget I am 46 years old. Sure I look in the mirror every morning, but it doesn’t register that the guy looking back at me isn’t still 18. Yeah, I am a little more stiff when I get out of bed now, but I used to feel that way after football practice in high school. I realize at 24 hour fitness, when I push the weights, the setting is a lot lower than it was 28 years ago, and the scale is a lot higher, but that is just being out of shape, not being older, right?

Last week a picture floated through the Face Book community I am friends with. It was of a happy time, a fun time, a younger time. It was of a retreat we were all on in high school It caused me to go back and search through old photo’s of past events, great memories, and awesome friends. As I looked I went through a variety of emotions. I laughed as I remembered things like a birthday kidnapping, or parachute jumps from 3 inches high. I thought about friends I have long since lost touch with and realized I had failed to keep up relationships. I felt anger, that I had to move at such a great time in my life. And, I was shocked to see, realize, be confronted with, the fact that I am no longer 18.

Why would I think that? Three of my four kids are older than 18. I have a wife, kids, job, house, cars, and responsibility, that I didn’t have at 18. What keeps me holding on to that past vision of myself? Was it really a better time than now, or just a time in life that I remember in a slanted way?

The pictures, while of the past, brought me to reality, to this point and time, to a 46 year old, slightly overweight, man, with wisdom and experience that no 18 year old could ever have. They reminded me of the feelings I had at 18, the desire to experience the moment and enjoy every opportunity. I realize that by holding on to that desire, I can continue to feel and act 18, for each moment is new, and life continues to offer great enjoyment.

It is time to let go of wanting to still be 18, and realize that I am “still that 18 year old “ in a slightly used, but much better, me.

Thanks for great memories my friends.