How come sometimes life feels so shitty? A conversation goes badly, a relationship turns sour, a project falls apart, or it rains on your parade. Why is it that so often expectations aren’t met, joy is not found, fun is not had. The Lakers won this week, my financials exceeded budget, its fathers day, but I still feel like life sucks at the moment. Things are just hard, they aren’t going as it seems they should, just feels heavy and dark. Its almost summer but the season hasn’t changed. Maybe that’s it. I play the lottery from time to time but haven”t won. Could that be the reason. I work on relationships but feel unfulfilled. Maybe thats the answer. Who knows, I just feel a bit messed up at the moment.
How do you navigate when it feels like two people want different things. How do you choose a destination when two travelers what different places. How does it work when everyone wants to lead and no one wants to follow. Work can be tough, friends can be hard, family can be frustrating. I once heard it said that the world would run very smoothly if you removed all the people. My life would run smooth if I didn’t have to deal with relationships. I always feel I am in the wrong, that I don’t do it right, that I am a half step behind, like I don’t get it. Loving isn’t enough any more, the rules are constantly changing, and people have become anchors instead of sails.
I don’t feel this way all of the time, not even most of the time. But I am feeling this way today. I know it passes so I am not looking for answers or perspective. I just need to vent. Vent to know one and everyone at the same time. I need to have a voice and know that it might be heard, that it might connect with someone at some level.
Tomorrow I truly expect the sun to shine, the birds to sing, my girl to smile, and life to feel somehow right. But for the moment, it is gray skies with the chance for rain.
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